sketchydean

smalltrolven

The Wanting Comes In Waves

All Sam/Dean, All The Time


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smalltrolven

Rankle & Gall - Part 4 of 7

Back to Part 3

Sam waits several long beats after Dean finishes speaking, and finally can’t help asking, “Are you done? I don’t want to interrupt you, if you’re not finished.”

Dean shrugs and looks down at his hands in his lap. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Of course I’m still here, Dean. And of course I want to help you figure this thing out. And now I know you understand all this a little more. I mean it, you did the work sorting yourself out. I’m impressed that you manned up and actually told me. It’s…well it’s hard to explain, but you said you wanted to get right with me, and I’d like to say that you have.”

“Really?” Dean looks up, surprise written all over his face, along with relief and hope.

“What, you thought it would involve hair shirts and dry crusts of bread and water for meals?” Sam asks.

“No, just, I thought you’d want more from me,” Dean says.

“More what? More sorries? More expressions of guilt? Or home-cooked meals? No, what I wanted, what I needed, is what you just gave me, Dean. Honest self-reflection. You figured it out yourself,” Sam says, and he can’t help himself, he reaches out and clasps one hand on Dean’s shoulder, massaging it a little because Dean looks like he’s holding in all the tension in the world as usual.

“So we’re square then? Back to normal? Well normal for us,” Dean asks.

“Yeah, as long as you promise me something,” Sam answers, still holding onto Dean’s shoulder, needing the connection to get his point across.

“Oh, here it comes. What?” Dean asks.

“Promise me you won’t lie about the Mark, no matter how bad it is, or how worried you think it’ll make me. That’s the only way we’re going to get through this. You know that, right?” Sam asks.

“Yeah, Sammy, I do. We keep each other human, right? So yeah, I promise,” Dean says.

“I didn’t do that with the Trials stuff, and I should have, maybe you could have helped somehow. I mean, helped more than you did. But I kept it from you when you deserved the truth. Don’t make my mistake is what I’m saying here,” Sam says, squeezing Dean’s shoulder one last time before moving his hand back to rest on the arm of the chair.

“Got it. Sammy, can I ask you something?” Dean asks.

“Of course, anything,” Sam says, wondering what his brother will come up with after what feels like a huge breakthrough.

“Do you really want to be with me again?” Dean asks.

“I am with you,” Sam answers, being purposely obtuse because he can’t answer that question right now and he doesn’t want to hurt Dean anymore than he has.

“No I mean, like we were before,” Dean persists.

All Sam can do is smile at Dean’s stubbornness in wanting this answered. “Answer is hazy, ask again tomorrow.”

Dean frowns and pokes Sam in the chest with one finger. “Don’t you Magic 8 ball me, mister. I’m serious here.”

“Yes. Definitely, I’d like us to get back there eventually. But I gotta be honest, it’s like I said last night, I need to work up to it,” Sam says. Nobody told him how hard it would be trying to set boundaries with your partner after so many years of pretty much having none at all.

“Trusting me and stuff?” Dean asks.

“Yeah, stuff like that. That a good enough answer for you right now?” Sam asks, hoping that it is, because he can’t go past that quite yet.

“That’ll do, pig,” Dean says with a nod.

Sam laughs, loud and happy. “God, you and your movies, I swear.”

“You love it,” Dean says.

“Back to work you, go forth and find me some Owth,” Sam says, patting Dean’s knee and turning his chair back to face the table. He’s filled with a surprising amount of happiness from this interaction with Dean, suddenly it all seems possible again.

“Yessir,” Dean says with a fake salute. He turns his chair too, although he moves it a little closer to Sam’s, and starts reading again

“Okay, so I’ve figured out where I need to go. There’s this Hebrew research library in New York City that is likely to have more of the texts that I need to check out. A lot of their stuff was online, but not everything,” Sam says, stacking up all the books he’s been working with.

“So when’re we leavin’?” Dean asks, looking up from reading a small book with a green fabric cover that he could swear he’s already searched through a couple times.

“Well, I thought I might fly, it’d be faster. And since you don’t read Hebrew very well, you can’t really help researching in the library. What would you do while I was working?” Sam asks.

“I don’t know, go sightseeing or somethin’, hang out in the Big Apple, go check out the Rockettes,” Dean says, waggling his eyebrows. There’s no way he’s letting Sam get out of his sight, and certainly not to take the risk of flying on a plane.

“But it’s only for a couple of days at the most, you really want to drive that far?” Sam asks.

“This library thing mean you’re gonna wear that sweater vest again?” Dean asks, waggling his eyebrows again. Hopefully Sam remembers how hot that sweater vest, professor look gets him.

“Yeah, that’s usually what I’d…” Sam answers, apparently oblivious to what Dean’s reminding him of.

Dean interrupts with a decision he can’t help but make. “Then we’re driving.”

“Really? You like seeing me in that thing enough to drive three thousand miles round trip?” Sam asks.

“That’s not the only reason,” Dean says, hesitating to reopen the subject, it almost feels like they’re talking about stuff too much.

“What else?” Sam asks with that look on his face that Dean knows means he’s going to get an answer one way or another.

“Just... I don’t know. I don’t want to split up when everything is so up in the air,” Dean finally admits. And once the words leave his mouth, he feels better, this telling the truth thing might actually work.

“You mean since we’re talking and working stuff out finally?” Sam asks.

“Yeah,” Dean says, taking the easy way out and leaving the rest unsaid, at least for now, they’ve got a long time in the car ahead.

“Alright, road trip it is then.  I’ve emailed them about getting access at the end of this week, so we should leave as soon as possible,” Sam says.

“I’ll be ready in fifteen,” Dean answers, jumping up to go pack a bag for the trip.

About ten hours into the drive, not even halfway, Sam’s phone dings with a message received tone. He digs in his pocket and pulls it out to check. “Hey, Aaron Bass is meeting me at the library. Says he knows the head librarian, his grandfather was a friend. So he can get us both into the special collection where I think the manuscripts I need will be.”

“Oh, that’s great, he’s…uh, gonna be helpful, I bet.”

“What’s wrong? I thought you liked Aaron.”

“Yeah, I guess he was okay.”

“Oh no, is this about, what did you call it? Your gay thing?”

“Shit. How do you remember this stuff?”

“It was freakin’ hilarious, that’s why. I am your little brother, remember? Don’t worry Dean, I’m sure he doesn’t have a problem with you.”

“Is his golem gonna be there?”

“Nope. He’s got him stashed somewhere safe now.”

“Good. That thing, guy, whatever, was too freaky.”

“More freaky than Nazi Necromancers?”

“Yeah. Too straight out of a comic book or something, that whole case was freaky.”

“Well, meeting Aaron and finding out about the Judah Initiative connection with the Men of Letters was cool. And it’s already helping us figure out this Mark of Cain thing. Aaron and I have been emailing back and forth about it. He’s the one that pointed me towards the owth stuff.”

Dean raises his shoulders up almost to his ears, like he’s trying to hide. “I’m not saying he’s not gonna be helpful, I’m just, ya know, uncomfortable. He’s not comin’ on to you is he?”

“What, you’re jealous now? Of some guy we met once and haven’t seen in a year?” Sam asks, incredulous that Dean is all of a sudden jealous of Aaron. That can’t be what this is about.

“Do I have a reason to be?” Dean asks, staring straight out the windshield, not even flicking a look over at Sam.

“No, Dean. I am not interested in Aaron, or anyone else for that matter. That should be the least of your worries, dude. What’s this really about?” Sam asks, knowing that this is probably the important thing that Dean is worrying about. Maybe he’ll actually get even more of the truth out of his brother. It seems like they’re on a roll lately as far as that goes.

“’kay, I just feel weird when you get together with someone else that’s so into nerdy stuff like you are. Reminds me of what you probably liked about college, what you’ve been missing out on,” Dean says, now taking a long look at Sam’s reaction.

“Dean, just because I like nerding out on stuff does not mean I’m pining for college days. Far from it. Yeah, I like learning and I did enjoy college a lot because I got to really push myself. But I’d rather be doing this kind of research any day, for stuff that really matters. Like savin’ your ass, for instance,” Sam says, watching Dean to make sure he’s listening this time. It seems like he has to keep reassuring Dean about this college thing, over and over. The impact of his leaving for Stanford all those years ago still showing up in Dean’s hangup.

“Oh, so you’re still interested in that part of me after all, good to know,” Dean drawls.

“To be totally honest, I can’t recall a time I ever wasn’t interested in your ass,” Sam says, leering openly at Dean, hoping to provoke a reaction.

Dean spits out his coffee, all over the steering wheel and the dashboard beyond. “God, warn a guy, wouldja, Sammy.”

Eventually they pull into New York City, and Dean drops Sam off in front of the library, leaving as soon as he can get away from the awkward conversation with Aaron to go find parking and something to do while Sam’s researching.

After Sam and Aaron have been ensconced in a nice research nook, with a large table and good lights, Aaron finally breaks the companionable silence to ask, “So, uh, Sam, how long have you and your brother been doing this hunting thing together?”

“Me and Dean? Seems like our whole lives, except for when I was at college,” Sam answers, pulling on the white cotton archive gloves.

“Is it hard working that closely with a person you care so much about?” Aaron asks, as they shuffle through the stack of manuscripts.

“No. Well honestly, yeah sometimes. We don’t ever get much of a break from each other. And we worry more about each other than we should. Makes us do dumb things sometimes.”

“I noticed. Like when he threw himself in front of you when we were fighting those Nazi freaks,” Aaron says.

“Yeah, stuff like that. It’s how we get through it though,” Sam says, handing another stack of the slippery folders to Aaron.

Aaron makes some hmming noises as he searches through them. Once he’s done, he puts them on the table, holding one back. “Why was Dean acting so strange when he dropped you off?”

“Oh, you noticed that? Hmmm, well, he’s convinced himself that I’m longing for my college days and would therefore replace him with someone like you,” Sam says.

“Like me?” Aaron asks, a little ashamed of how squeaky his voice suddenly sounds.

“You know, smart, into research. He sees himself as being the opposite of that, even though he’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever known,” Sam says.

Aaron closes up the first archive box they’ve searched through, and pulls out the next one. “So would you, ever think of doing that, replacing him?”

“No. Dean’s in the category of irreplaceable. I wouldn’t exist without him, and that’s the god’s honest truth,” Sam says, then pauses in his flipping through the pages, staring off towards the afternoon sun streaming in through the front windows.

Aaron can see he has absolutely no chance with either of these guys, romantic or otherwise, they are two wound-up together, especially for brothers, although maybe that’s a cover story. “Shoot, no chance for me then huh?”

“What? Of partnering up with me on a job? I’d have to say no, Aaron.  I haven’t worked with anyone else in a really long time,” Sam says, sounding surprised to have been asked something like this.

“Uh…I’ll just have to find another supernatural geek legacy researcher then,” Aaron replies, trying to come off as cool and nonchalant about being rejected. He can’t help it being attracted to these guys, their approach to this hunting thing, the way they are together, and yeah he’ll admit it, they’re not too tough on the eyes.

“Sorry, we can still work together on this though, right?” Sam asks, looking like he’s worried that the help he needs for his brother will be pulled away.

“Yeah of course Sam, I was just being curious and kinda rude now that I think about it. Just forget I ever mentioned anything,” Aaron says, feeling bad that he even asked. He didn’t mean to make Sam feel bad, he pretty much owes these guys his life after all. That’s not something he’s going to forget just because he’s got an unrequited crush going on.

“Well, if I ever come across anyone that fits the description, I’ll send them your way, okay?” Sam offers.

“Sounds cool Sam, thanks,” Aaron says, grateful for how gracefully Sam handled this awkwardness that he hadn’t meant to cause. The Winchesters are the kind of people that you never forget, and always wonder if you’d be able to last a day with them. It was worth asking instead of wondering the rest of his life.

“Bye, Aaron, thanks for helping us out, appreciate it,” Dean says, reaching out to shake Aaron’s hand.

Aaron looks up at Dean with wide eyes as his hand is engulfed in Dean’s. “No problem, call me anytime. I mean it. The golem and I are always up for a road trip, if you need us.”

Dean raises his eyebrows in surprise. “You can take him places now?”

Aaron nods with excitement at being able to talk to someone who knows the story of his golem. “Yeah, I got his instruction manual all figured out. He’s actually super helpful.”

“Wow that is good to know. We will keep you guys in mind if we need unstoppable super strength and super smarts in one dynamic duo. ” Dean says to Aaron with a wink. He turns and walks down the aisle of cars in the parking garage, unlocking the Impala and quickly getting in, as if he’s assuming Sam’s following right behind him.

Aaron shakes hands with Sam. “Thanks for being cool Sam.”

“What about?” Sam asks.

“You know, what we talked about before.”

“Oh, about partnering up. Yeah, no big deal, dude.”

“I hope I can find someone like you guys to work with. The way you get shit done without even talking to each other. It’s pretty amazing to see, like something from a movie.”

“Well, uh, thanks I guess. We know we’re lucky we have each other, it makes the work go a lot easier. If you’re gonna do any hunting, you really need a partner,” Sam says.

“Yeah, you guys are lucky. I’d give up the golem to have someone like you guys as my partner,” Aaron says, looking over towards where the Impala is parked.

“Really?” Sam asks.

“No question. Someone that care about you that much, and has your back on the job the way you guys do, pretty much the ideal.”

“Huh, never really thought about it that way. Thanks for the reminder. Thanks for all the help Aaron, keep in touch,” Sam says.

**SAM**

Sam finally gets back in the car, after that longer than expected extra conversation with Aaron at the elevator exit. Dean blows out an annoyed breath and asks, “What was all that b.s.ing about? Took you long enough.”

“It was about you. And you and me. And how he’s madly in love with both of us and insanely jealous of the bond that we share,” Sam says in a teasing voice.

“Shut up. I was just asking,” Dean says, pouting a little.

“No, it pretty much was about that, except for the madly in love part. I was kidding about that. He said he’d give up the golem to have someone like you as his partner. His ideal is someone that would cares about him as much and have his back on the job like you do.”

“Huh, so the whole gay thing wasn’t all in my head after all then,” Dean says.

“Well, except it wasn’t limited to just you. It doesn’t matter, the ‘gay thing’ didn’t really come up. We were talking work partners, you know, hunting partners, not life partners. At least I think we were. Anyways, he only has the golem and is probably kind of lonely.”

“Did he make a move on you Sammy?” Dean asks.

“No, he didn’t. If he was going to, I stopped it before it got started. I don’t think he really figured it all out about us, and I didn’t say anything. Basically I didn’t want to embarrass him, and we needed his help.”

“Little shit. People need to learn to keep their hands off what’s not theirs,” Dean growls, pounding the steering wheel.

“Would you turn the jealousy down a little bit please? That’s not what happened. But get this! We actually found something. I’m pretty sure it’s really going to help, Dean. As soon as I can get it fully translated, we’ll know what the Mark is supposed to do,” Sam says, so excited to share what he’s found out.

“I knew you could find somethin’,” Dean says.

“Oh yeah?” Sam asks.

“Yeah, you always come through in the clutch for stuff like this.”

“I do?”

“I count on it, Sammy. Thanks.”

Sam smiles at hearing his name said like that, when it’s attached to such a compliment. “You’re welcome. You know there’s another way you could express how thankful you are.”

Dean’s eyes go dark at the thoughts that Sam’s suggestion brings up. He pulls Sam across the seat and kisses him thoroughly. After several minutes of mind-blowing kissing, he loses track of how far he’s taking things, parked in a city parking garage of all places. His hands are roaming and trying to get Sam’s slacks open and his sweater vest off at the same time.

Sam reluctantly stops him by holding both of his hands together in his, meeting his eyes with his own eyes wide and wanton with the same heat and desire. “I want our first time to be back at home in our bed.”

“Home?” Dean asks.

“Yeah, I’m calling it home now, you got a problem with that? Thought you wanted me to think of it that way,” Sam says, suddenly worried that Dean has changed his mind about the bunker because of all the bad stuff that’s happened there recently.

“No, not a problem. Just glad. Strap yourself in, this is gonna be a long ride. I’m not stopping this time, unless Baby needs gas.”

“You wanna get back that badly, huh?” Sam asks.

“Duh,” Dean says.

“Fine, I’ve got lots to read now. Let me know when it’s my turn to drive,” Sam says, pulling out a notebook and a stack of photocopies from the day’s research.

“Sammy?” Dean asks.

“Yeah?” Sam asks, irrationally happy to hear his name said in that fond of a tone.

“Are you still glad you didn’t fly by yourself?”Dean asks.

Sam clicks his pen shut, closes the notebook he was taking notes in, and puts down the printouts from the library and scoots over next to Dean. He puts one hand on his knee and lays his head on Dean’s shoulder. “Definitely.”  Dean smiles and doesn’t say anything, just squirms a little in his seat to feel Sam pressed against him. They drive like that for the first six hours, until the sun has long since gone down and they’re crossing the Pennsylvania border into Ohio. Sam sleeping deeply with the scent of Dean giving him good dreams.

They stop for dinner just outside Wheeling, Ohio at a diner they always hope is still there and open when they pass through. It’s one of those ones that feels homey to them, not too busy or overly clean or god forbid, retro. Just a regular place, with regular customers, usually nice waitresses, and amazing burgers that even Sam enjoys.  While they wait for their food, Dean tangles their feet together under the table, just like they are used to, and looks up to make sure it’s okay with Sam. Sam smiles and fiddles with his silverware.

Dean finally breaks the suddenly uncomfortable silence, “So, uh, while you were researching I was walking. Pretty much the whole time.”

“That’s a lot of walking. No wonder you were up for doing a banzai drive back home. Did the city make you itchy like it usually does?”

“Itchy? Naw, not itchy. But it’s just so alive there you know? ‘S different than all the small towns we’re usually in. I was just soaking it all up.”

“Did you get out to Central Park? I always wanted to spend more time hanging out there. We only had that chance that time we were hunting those Dutch ghouls. Remember that? Camping out in the woodsy part, avoiding the police all night.”

“Those ghouls were not expecting us. Always wondered what the cops thought of what we left behind since they didn’t give us enough time to clean up after ourselves. God what a helluva mess that was.”

They share a laugh with each other, one of those deeply satisfying laughs you get to share with people who know exactly what you’re laughing about and why. “Uh, the reason I brought it up, was ‘cause all that walkin’ gave me a lot of time to do some thinkin’.”

“Uh-oh, am I going to want to hear this?” Sam asks.

“I dunno, just let me say it first, okay?” Dean asks, raising his eyebrows at Sam so he’ll know he needs to get this said. Sam instantly sees that Dean is not kidding, he needs a safe place to say something, so he nods encouragingly.

“I was thinking about Ed and Harry. How they worked all that time together. And how they just blew apart like that. What Harry said really stuck with me, about how he had always thought Ed was gonna still be next to him, when they were old and drinking on the porch. The whole empty rocking chair thing.  And I just. God, Sammy, I don’t want us to ever do that. And even if we don’t end up back together, like…you know, we’re trying to get back to. I still want us to end up on that porch at the end. I swear I’m getting us two rocking chairs, and your butt is gonna be parked in one of ‘em, right next to me.”

“That might be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. No, it is. Thank you, Dean. Whatever’s gotten into you, making you talk so much, right when we needed it most, well it’s a gift to be thankful for.”

“Nothing’s gotten into me, Sammy, I know how to treat my Princess right.”

Bea, their waitress interrupts then, a smile on her face for the two young men engaged in such an intense conversation. “Sorry fellas, you’re order’s gonna be a while, Carl ran out to go get some peppers. Said he wouldn’t make your burger without ‘em.  So here’s two soup of the day’s for you, chicken noodle, on the house.”

“Thanks, Bea, that’s great, we don’t mind waiting,” Dean said with a smile.  She sets the two bowls down on the table and walks off towards the register.  Sam gets up from his side of the booth while Dean’s focus is on the departing waitress, and slides in next to his brother.

“I know we don’t usually sit like this in diners. But I’m used to sitting with you like this, being in the car all the time. Side by side instead of across from each other. Just like we’ll be set up in our rocking chairs.” Sam pulls one of the soup bowls over and starts eating, while Dean looks on in open-mouthed surprise.

Sam continues, “You know, I was thinking too, while you were driving. About Sonny’s place, what you had there, what you gave up. And I know I already thanked you. But you didn’t seem to hear it then. So I want to say it again. Thank you, Dean, for staying with me all this time, all those times when you chose me over everything else you could have had instead. I know it probably doesn’t seem like it sometimes, but I appreciate what you’ve given up for me.”

Dean doesn’t seem to be able to answer, just lays his head on Sam’s shoulder, ignoring the jostling as Sam eats the soup. Only raising it when their hamburgers finally show up.

Sam drives for the next couple tanks of gas while Dean naps, flopped over across the whole seat with his head pillowed on Sam’s thigh. Sam positions himself with one hand in Dean’s hair as much as he can manage. Dean does the last segment when they change places in Des Moines. He drives the last five hours, through Iowa and Nebraska and finally down into Kansas, armed with a new cup of coffee between his legs and Sam’s hand on his knee, the window down and the radio blasting. Sam sleeps through it all anyways. But their hands are on each other the whole way back to the bunker.

“Wake up, Sammy, we’re finally home,” Dean says.

Sam opens his eyes, blinking in the bright lights of their enormous garage, and startling as Dean pulls him out of the passenger side door. He tries to wake up, he really does, but even with all the napping he got in, all that time crunched up in the car did him in. Dean helps him up the stairs and into their room, laying him out on the bed.

“You’re not gonna wake up tonight, are ya, Sasquatch? Shit, and I drove us all the way for nothin’,” Dean grumbles as he takes Sam’s boots off for him.

Sam manages to get his jeans off and curls up on his side of the bed. “’m sorry, tomorrow, okay? Sleep with me now, c’mon.”

“Yeah, yeah, alright, good night Sammy,” Dean says, resigned to another few hours of waiting. He strips down to boxers and slips in under the covers on the other side of the bed and turns out the light.

Sam sits up when the light clicks off. “You’d really just go to sleep like that, after all that driving, just because I asked?”

Dean rubs at Sam’s back, like he’s trying to gentle an upset horse. “Of course. I want you to be awake for this, you know?”

“Oh, I’m awake now,” Sam says, with a grin in his voice.

“Why’s that all of a sudden?”

“Just realizing,” Sam says as he climbs over Dean to turn on the bedside lamp.

“Um, realizing what?” Dean asks, looking up at Sam who is straddling his legs like it’s no big deal.

Sam smiles down at him, touching Dean’s lips as they move when he speaks. “I’d forgotten that this is always worth waking up for.”

Dean pulls at Sam’s shirts until he gets the idea and takes all three of them off. Dean can’t seem to stop his hands touching all of Sam’s skin that he can reach. So warm, so alive, and all his Sam. “Can’t believe you really forgot that. I was right about how I’m losing my touch.”

Sam’s hands are roaming too, playing all over Dean’s sensitive spots. “Naw, I’ve just been in my head for too long with all the researching.”

“Well, let’s get you out of there then, and in this bed right here, right now. What do you want, Sammy?” Dean asks, searching out Sam’s eyes like he wants to confirm he really wants this.

**SAM**

Sam sees that hesitation and brings both hands up to cradle Dean’s face. “You. Just you, Dean.”

“C’mon, you know you gotta be a little more specific than that,” Dean growls encouragingly, moving his hips so that Sam can feel how ready he is for anything.

“Want you in me, Dean.”

“Where, Sammy?”

“Everywhere. Want to suck you first.”

Dean sucks in a breath, sudden arousal hitting him hard. “Not a problem.”

“Get those off,” Sam says pulling on Dean’s boxers. He slides off the bed to pull his own boxers off then settles himself in between Dean’s spread legs, big hands rubbing up and down Dean’s thighs, pushing them apart a little. “God, look at you, so hard for me already. So beautiful.”

“Shut up.”

“No. Gonna shut you up,” Sam says with a one-sided grin, licking up and down the length of Dean’s cock.  He waits to hear the sound of Dean’s head coming up off the pillow to watch him, feels Dean’s hands twist in the sheets on either side of his hips in anticipation. Sam takes just the head between his lips, nuzzling and suckling, tongue coming out in a spiral and licking up the pre-come, digging for more out of the slit. Dean’s breathing stops completely. Sam looks up at him in concern. Dean’s eyes are huge, focused on Sam’s mouth and how it’s stretched around the mushroom-shaped head of his cock, Sam’s lips all shiny and red, spit starting to dribble out of the corners of his mouth.

“God, don’t stop. Please, Sam.”

Sam winks at him with a glint of triumph, and pulls off to free his mouth. “Yeah, I knew you wouldn’t shut up, you never can, I never want you to, always want to hear you Dean, want to hear how much you need it, want to give it to you Dean, all of it.” Sam gently strokes and fondles Dean’s balls, holding them up against the base of his cock, then letting them sag back down, rolling each one separately, rubbing one finger against his perineum, just to feel Dean shiver.

**DEAN**

“Ah, every time, every time it makes me do that. God, it feels so good, Sam.” Finally, Dean can’t take the teasing licks anymore and wraps one of his hands in Sam’s hair at the base of his skull. “No more teasing Sammy, c’mon, please.” Dean knows he’s begging, that it’s what Sam wants. Hell it’s what they both want, and he’s okay with it, being like this with Sam; it’s the only time he ever gets to let loose, be a little bit closer to what he really is, when Sam’s taking him apart like this, layer by layer until his armor is all left behind him in a shiny messed-up heap. That’s where he wants to be, in that naked clearing with Sam - just them, together, joined.

“Need you Sammy, need to be in you,” Dean purrs as he’s hitting the back of Sam’s throat, spongy tip of his cock pressing into the deepness of that long beautiful throat. Dean runs one hand up Sam’s neck. “C’mon Sam, please.”

Sam slowly backs himself off of Dean, reluctant to let go of his cock completely, leaving just his lips around the very tip as he breathes hot and low, whispering words into Dean’s depths.

“What’re you saying?” Dean asks, curious even though he’s falling under his brother’s spell again, this familiar magician that knows every trick to magick him away into another realm, different every time. “What’re you saying, wanna hear it.” Dean pulls him up, wincing a little as the slight suction from the sensitive tip of his cock is lost, Sam’s lips are still moving and his eyes are shut. “Are you praying on my cock, Sammy?”

“Yeah Dean, yeah I am,” answers Sam, eyes opening just half-way, glittering in the dim light, heat and lust and desperation pooled in their depths.

“Why’re you praying while you’re sucking me off, Sam?”

**SAM**

“Praying that this is the last first-time I ever do this,” Sam answers, leaning in to kiss Dean, sharing the taste of him, swapping it back and forth; the taste of it’s been so long, so much time, so many worries, wanting it to never be like this again. As good as reunion sex is, Sam doesn’t want it ever again.

“Last first time, let it be so,” Dean intones seriously as they break apart from the kiss. He looks at Sam and smiles. “Let’s make it count then.” He rolls away from Sam to rustle around in his bedside table, pulling out a tube of lube. “You want me to wear a condom?”

“Are you still clean?” Sam asks.

Onto Part 5


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