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The Wanting Comes In Waves

All Sam/Dean, All The Time

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Soul's Weight - Epilogue

Masterpost ~ Chapter 7


Dean’s been kind of cranky after their recent stops in Yosemite and Disneyland.  No, that’s an understatement really, he’s being a complete dick and Sam’s wondering if he even wants to keep doing this quasi-family road-trip thing.  Maybe Dean wants to ask Jesse to leave.  And the weird thing is that Dean’s blocking him through their bond, he’s just putting up this wall and not letting much of anything through that makes sense, which is frustrating as all get out.  Sam’s gotten used to having Dean’s emotions and thoughts so easily accessible.  He decides to ask Dean when they’re out at the Impala in the parking lot, getting ready to leave their latest motel while Jesse’s inside finishing packing.

“Hey Dean, before Jesse comes out I want to ask you something.” Sam asks, standing next to the Impala.

“Yeah, what?” Dean looks up from the trunk with an almost pissed-off face.

“Is there something going on, like are you pissed about something?  Is having Jesse around bugging you?  I’ve been getting conflicting stuff through our bond from you and I just want to make sure you’re still okay with him still being around.” Sam wishes that Dean wasn’t blocking him on their bond but he doesn’t want to just come out and ask him to stop.

“No, nothing like that, really, I’m not pissed off or anything, I just feel funny letting the kid pay for everything.” Dean sends Sam a small quiet message of feeling unworthy, poor, not able to provide enough for his brother or their friend.

Sam’s glad to get at least something through their bond, Dean’s a lot more open and honest than he used to be, but getting it straight to his soul/brain/heart whatever is a lot clearer, he looks at Dean sympathetically saying, “Is that why you’ve been such a jerk lately?” but sending Dean a yeah me too, I know what you mean, he could be anywhere doing anything, staying in the best hotels, but he’s with us.

“Uh, I guess.  And other stuff.”

“Since we’re talking and you’ve been blocking me, you might as well just tell me, get it over with.&rdquo

“I’m not getting enough, you know, alone time with you.” Dean looks embarrassed to be admitting this, even though it’s obviously been bugging him a whole lot.

Sam can’t help but smile indulgently at Dean, pulling him in for a quick dirty kiss, it’s still a new thing between them, they should be honeymooning or something really, instead of furtively trying to get enough contact with each other when they think Jesse won’t notice, “Okay, you’re right, but that one’s easy, here’s what we’ll do, next hotel, we’ll just get two separate rooms.”

“What about the money part?”

“You have to get over it Dean.  He wants to do it for us, so let him.”

“Doesn’t feel right.”

“And you’d rather pay with fraudulent credit cards?”  That feels right?”

“s’what I’m used to.” Dean sullenly tosses his bag into the trunk.

“I know, but you’re not used to having regular sex with your brother either, so get over it.  Make like you’re appreciative and maybe even having a little fun, okay? It’ll mean a lot to Jesse.  Remember he’s not in on the mind-reading thing with us, so we have to either tell him or show him we like being with him.”

“Alright already, and I am having fun.” Dean pouts as he slam the trunk lid closed.

“Could’ve fooled me.”  Sam kisses him again quickly,  right on his pouted lips, sending Dean an I love you even though you’re an idiot nd walks back into the motel room, to see if Jesse’s ready to go, leaving Dean to stew or get over it on his own in the parking lot.

car divider

“Hey Jesse, how would you feel about having your own room tonight?”

“Sure, you guys need some alone time huh?  I was wondering about that.”

“Oh, uh, you were?”

“Yeah, Sam, I’m twelve almost thirteen, I’m not stupid, I can see how it is with you two.”

“It doesn’t bother you?”

“What, cause you’re brothers? Or because you’re two guys?”

“Uh either, both I guess.”

“Sam, after what I’ve seen and done these last couple years, it’s just a nice change being around two people that love each other so much.  You remind me of my parents a little.”

“That’s really nice, thanks Jesse.  I’m glad you’re okay with it, because Dean and I really like hanging with you.”

“Me too Sam.  Wish it could be…”  Jesse trails off, looking a little embarrassed.

“Be what Jesse?” Sam asks, gently.

“Well, more permanent I guess?  I just really miss being in a family, and I know I can’t go back to my parents.  You understand?”

“Yeah Jesse, I do.  I’ll talk to Dean, but I’m sure that…”

“Talk to me about what?” Dean interrupts, stopping in the open doorway.

Sam turns to look at his brother, so beautiful and golden-tinged, backlit by the morning sun, and smiles hopefully, “Jesse wants to stay with us.”

“For how long?”  Dean gets a funny look on his face, like he’s unbelieving, hopeful, worried and happy all at once.  Sam’s never seen anything like it before and wonders what his brother is thinking, searching through their bond but Dean’s figured out the blocking thing too well.

Jesse has noticed Dean’s strange face too and answers carefully and clearly, “I don’t know for sure, just, I was telling Sam, I miss being in a family, and I thought maybe you’d…”

Dean cuts him off abruptly, “You thought we’d want to what? Make a family with you somehow?”

Jesse drops his eyes and crumples in on himself, mumbling to his chest, “Yeah, guess it was a stupid idea.”

Dean moves quickly across to the bed and crouches down in front of Jesse and grabs his hand.  “No Jesse, It makes a whole lot of sense to me.  I just thought we were already kinda doing that you know? Being a family.”

Jesse looks up, meeting Dean’s eyes with a wondering, happy expression “You did?”

“Sure? Who else drags their kid all over creation to show them stuff and buys them mouse ears and climbs mountains on purpose and eats vegetables to be a good example?”

“I guess, uh, a family does.  Thanks Dean.”  Jesse stands up and hugs him quickly before Dean can back away.

“For what?” Dean pulls back and looks at Jesse, trying to read the kid’s face.

Jesse lets go of Dean and answers, “For figuring it out before we did.”  Jesse looks up at Sam, who smiles at him widely.

“Yeah, thanks Dean.” Sam says with a smile that tells Dean he’s getting absolutely anything and everything he wants tonight when they have their own room, which is confirmed when Sam sends him that exact thought.

“For what?” Dean asks, wanting to hear the answer that Sam will give out loud.

“For figuring out what we needed before we did ourselves.” Sam answers with so much feeling, Dean practically feels himself bending under the weight of it.

“Damn, you guys are worse than a bunch of preteens talking about Bieber or something.  Let’s go before we start the hair-braiding.” Dean starts walking towards the motel room door with his duffel in one hand.

“Dean.” Sam’s voice is low but insistent, that particular tone that Dean has never ever been able to ignore.

“What now?” Dean turns and drops his duffel when he sees Sam’s face; like he’s about to break into tears of joy, and he gets hit with the wave of joy his brother is sending him through their bond.

“c’mere” Sam opens his arms and gestures for his brother to step into them.  Sam pulls him into a hug and then gathers Jesse in too.  “There, that official enough for you Jesse?”

Jesse looks up at both of them, contained in the large circle of their linked arms and smiles, finally looking relaxed “Yeah, I guess so.  What do I call you guys?”

“Well, what do you want to call us?” Sam is surprised by the question.

“Is Sam and Dean still okay?  I don’t think I could call you my Dads, it would make me too sad.”

“It’s okay with me, guess we’ll have to come up with a story once we settle down somewhere.” Dean says matter-of-factly.

“Settle down? Who said anything about settling down Dean?”  Sam is shocked that his brother is even entertaining the idea of settling down.  But all he’s getting from Dean is yeah really that’s what I mean Sam.

“Well, he’s gotta go to school right?  And I’m not hunting anymore, now that I’m a family man.  I always swore to myself I wouldn’t do that to my family.” Dean protests, not understanding why Sam doesn’t get what he’s saying, more than anything Sam should know that he wouldn’t want to raise a kid like their dad had raised them.

“Just like that you’re gonna stop?” Jesse looks at Dean, not believing that he’d ever be able to do that.

“Yeah Jesse, of course.   What did you think we’d do?”  Dean’s really confused, it seems so obvious to him that stopping hunting and getting settled is what Jesse would want, it’s all Sam ever wanted when he was that age, he sends all of that to Sam knowing that Sam needs to hear it to get what he’s trying to really say here.

“Well, I thought we’d keep doing this traveling around thing and maybe you guys could hunt sometimes too.” Jesse walks across to the table and chairs, sitting down heavily.

Dean turns to Jesse, wishing he could read minds with him like he can with Sam, it would all be so much easier, “You don’t want to try and have a normal life? School, friends, all that stuff?”

Jesse shrugs, “Dean, I’m The Anti-Christ, I don’t think normal’s really in the cards for me, and besides, I like this.” He gestures between the three of them.

“Like what, life with the Sam and Dean Road Show?”  Dean sits down across from him on the edge of one of the beds.

“Yeah.  It’s fun, sure beats being by myself.  I like going places with you guys.” Jesse isn’t sure why this would be a surprise to Dean.

“Well, you haven’t really seen what we get like when we’re hunting.  Plus it’s really dangerous and I don’t want to risk you getting hurt or seeing us get hurt.”  Dean says in his best approximation of a fatherly tone.

Jesse rolls his eyes at Dean “You gotta remember, I’m The Anti-Christ, nothing’s going to hurt me, or you guys if I’m around.”

“How about this Dean, we’ll get something going with some homeschooling stuff online and stick to hunting only ghosts, nothing worse, and just see how it goes.”  Sam offers, trying to come up with a compromise that will work for everyone.  Sam sends Dean a plea to just try it, just for a while, please.

Dean looks back and forth from Sam to Jesse and sees they’ve both got his number and gives in immediately, “Guess we could show him the World’s Biggest Ball of Twine and CarHenge, everyone should see those at least once in their life.”

Sam groans at the thought of going to see these roadside “attractions” yet again, “Sure Dean, whatever.  So, we ok now?

Dean smiles at him, sends him a hesitant joyful yes, “Yeah Sammy, we’re good.  Jesse, you in?”

“Yes! Let’s roll!  I call Shotgun!”  Jesse shouts triumphantly, grabs his bag and runs out to the Impala.

Sam and Dean roll their eyes at each other as they walk towards the door of the motel room together.  “We’re gonna have to make a rule about shotgun, I’m not sitting in the back seat too often.”

“I know, I don’t want you back there too much either, seems strange.  We’ll just let him do it sometimes, ‘kay?” Dean squeezes Sam’s hand to get his attention.

Sam leans in to kiss Dean deeply, reveling in the weight of his brother’s tongue, since it will have to last him a few hours.  Sam pulls back looking closely at Dean, worried that Dean’s blocking his true feelings from coming through somehow.  “This really okay with you, all this stuff with Jesse?”

Dean nods and sends Sam a wave of joy and surprise that he’s content for once after all these years, and a happy warm glow that it’s them doing it together. “Yeah, Sammy. Long as I get enough of this, ‘m good.”  Dean pulls Sam back down for another long kiss filled with passion.  “’m lookin’ forward to getting you all to myself tonight.”  Sam groans in anticipation and agreement, kissing him one more time, promising everything, holding back nothing. Sending each other visions of what they’ll be doing tonight in vivid, porn-quality detail. 

Sam sighs in frustration after seeing everything Dean wants to do to him later, “C’mon we gotta go, he’s out there waiting.”

“Our own little petty tyrant.  Brings back memories.”

“What are you saying I was a petty tyrant or something?”

“Yeah, of course you were, all kids are.  Expecting the world to conform to their wishes.  Except in Jesse’s case it actually does.  Sure is interesting isn’t it?”

“Definitely not boring.” Sam kisses Dean once more, reluctantly letting go, they walk out the motel door, bumping hips as usual.

Sam gets into the backseat of the Impala and settles in for a nap; Jesse practically bouncing in the front passenger seat in excitement.  “Hey Dean can we listen to Zeppelin Four again?”

Dean grins over at Jesse, “Sure, you’ve just got to find the tape buddy.”

They drive off, Dean’s arm across the top of the seat, Sam’s hand holding his from the back seat, Jesse leaned up against the window digging through the box of tapes, and looking at them both with a fond smile on his face.  “Thanks you guys, this is gonna be fun.”



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What a amazing fic!!! Thanks for sharing, truly loved it. The art really made this fic become even more alive!

Thanks so much, I'm really happy to hear you loved it. And oh yes, the art is amazing, truly helps tell the story.

I love all of this, especially the way you wound in Jesse and Death (I can never get enough of that guy) and Chuck...wonderful.

The sex ovation rocked, I could picture them out on the patio holding up placards with scores on them.

Oh thank you very much! Jesse, Death and Chuck were too great and open-ended characters not to use in a season 5 au fix-it, so I'm glad you liked how I used them. And oh yes, I can just picture the score placards, heehee.

Wow, there are SO many things I loved about this, I actually think this would have been a better ending to Season 5 than what the writers wrote. and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that Chuck is also Crowley and they are both characters God plays. So I was a little annoyed when Chuck said no to rescuing Sam but then Dean having to go through the life review was AWESOME because you know that guy is a bucket of angst and that would be exactly what he needed to cure his soul! And then he gives a piece of his soul to Sam. *twrling* I loved this whole thing, it was amazing, thank you for writing it and sharing it!!! And Sam having a dildo in his duffel? Well that just made me snort out loud, damn i wish that guy really had one of those and then....ok nevermind. :-D

Thanks so much for this great comment. You're too nice! I'm glad you like my Crowley=Chuck=God idea, I know it's weird, but it makes sense to me. I so hope that they fix Dean somehow in Season 8, and I really hope that Sam has something to do with it.

I'm not gonna lie, the story was amazing, and the plot was incredible. It was like a big fix it fic go r Samulet. That being said, I found Chuck/God a little out of character, which I didnt mind, because duh, its god. What relly bugged me was the whole Jesse joining them, making a quasifamily. I think that kinda,ruined it all for me :-/

That being said, it was still a good story. Keep it up.

Thanks so much, I'm so glad to hear that you liked it. Sorry that the Jesse epilogue didn't work for you. I just love that character too much to let go of I guess.

Oh wow! I've been meaning to read this all summer and I was always busy, So I'm real glad I was off work today to read this...You had me in tears and in laughter throughout this whole story...I just want to congradulate you on a fantastic story....It was well written, angsty, emotional, schoompy, funny at times and really HOT! the smexing what delightful and I must say that I have a soft spot for our boys being soul-bonded and able to read each other's mind! AND it was bottom!sammy! ;) :) Kudos!

What a wonderful comment, thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. And yes to soul-bonding and mind-reading, I just think Dean would be so freaking *relieved*. And there's never enough bottom!sammy !

Liked the way you twisted season 5! And Deans Soul Review was amazing! And you still got the boys in character, could hear Jesse and co cheer when reading! Loved this, will snag the pdf from AO3.

I really appreciate your comment and I'm glad the Soul Review and characterizations worked for you.

Thanks very much for letting me know you enjoyed it!

*happy sigh*
Thank you for this present for my OTP feels.
SAMNDEEEAN....IDK, it's too romantic. Also this had entertaining plot and Death. Yay!

Yay, a happy sigh! Glad you found the plot entertaining, and Death is so fun to write, I want to do more stories with him.

Wow, I've just reread this fic and can't believe I didn't leave a comment the first time I enjoyed this. So I'm gonna tell you now how in love I am with this fic! It was funny and angsty and schmoopy and hot and just all kinds of awesome! I absolutely adored the whole Death-God-Jesse trinity (and yay for God being Chuck and Crowley, what a great twist!) and their wincest-cheering had me cracking up so much. I have such a thing for the boys being soul-bonded as well, so basically everything about this fic was perfect and made me very happy! :D Thank you so much for your amazing writing.

I've actually been on an epic reading spree this past few days and have now officially devoured everything in your masterlist at least once, and I am loving it all so much! I was too frantic with reading more to really stop and comment individually (sorry about that, guess the years-long lurking still catches up with me from time to time ;)), so I thought it was high time to at least let you know here that you are one talented and fantastic writer and please don't ever stop! You write my OTP so wonderfully, m'dear. :) Thank you. ♥

That might be the sweetest message I've ever gotten, thank you so much. It means a lot to me to hear that you've read everything, and I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon. Comments really do feed the writer's soul, so thanks!

Thanks, glad to hear you enjoyed it!

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