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The Wanting Comes In Waves

All Sam/Dean, All The Time

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fic: Hidden In The Right Place (Sam/Dean, NC-17) Chapter 6 of 11

Back to Chapter Five


“Raya! C’mon let’s go!” Dean yelled as he approached the temple.

“I ought to just break your neck, Dean Winchester! You put me through all that pain for nothing! You’re just as much of a sadist as I’d heard. Alastair’s prize pupil, the best torturer Hell has seen in eons.”

“Awww, you’ve been reading my press clippings,” Dean snarked, even though the memories she’d evoked made him want to vomit and shrivel up into nothingness. But he thought of the goal, the task, the Gates needed to be closed. He was really glad Sam wasn’t here to hear all this though.

“Yes, I have, and you tell me the truth right now, why didn’t it work?” Raya demanded, her hand suddenly wrapped around Dean’s throat.

Dean struggled to say anything as she closed his windpipe down, eventually she let up, but kept her power wrapped around him.

“I ought to just shackle you back to Bast and start over again,” Raya said.

“No, come back with me. We got it figured out, I mean, Sam figured it out. I’ll explain it all to you on the way, okay?”

“You don’t mean to weasel your way out of our bargain?” Raya asked.

“No, we want to help you, Raya. We want to close the Gates almost as much as you do, believe me, please,” Dean knew he was close to begging, but demons usually responded to that sort of thing.

“Fine, but no handcuffs or anything tricky in the car,” Raya said.

“Scout’s honor, I swear,” Dean said, putting a couple of fingers up in what he remembered of the Boy Scout salute. She didn’t need to know about the devil’s trap painted into Baby’s roof.

Raya rolled her eyes and stomped down the gravel path towards the car. Baby’s lights seemed to brighten as Dean got nearer, lighting his steps more clearly.

“Why’d you take off like that anyway?” Dean asked, finally breaking the hour of silence as they sped back towards Sam and home. Which were really the same thing if he was honest with himself, always had been, always would be.

“I couldn’t be in there, in that room, tied up like that for another damn second,” Raya admitted.

“Been there, done that. I get it, I really do. That dungeon’s the same place Sam did it, when he cured me. And I still have trouble going back in that room.”

“He’s got to do the whole procedure on me all over again, doesn’t he?” Raya asked.

“Sorry, yeah,” Dean said. “It’s all my fault, so don’t go blaming him okay?”

“How does it feel knowing your brother’s blood is purer than your own, Dean?” Raya asked with a nasty edge in her voice. Her eyes flashed black and shiny at him through the darkness of the car’s interior.

“It’s kind of a switch, there were a lot of years where it was the other way around. I didn’t worry about it too much though. As long as he’s still my Sam, you know?” Dean felt a small smile form on his face at admitting something like that out loud, it felt good and honest. But most of all—true.

“I do know, Sakina was powerful too, like your Sam. She had a hard time controlling it or hiding it, it was why we had to start killing. For a time, she was no longer my Sakina, she went wrong somehow, held me tied up for months at a time in her husband’s cellar.”

“That explains a lot. Listen, we’re going to have to do it in the same place, the dungeon. It’s consecrated and all that. And we do have to use the shackles, because once you really start feeling the change you’ll hurt yourself or us if you’re not tied down. But once it’s done, the shackles are off and you’re out of there, doing the rest of the Trials, okay?”

Raya nodded, seeming to accept the explanation. “I need to focus on that, getting the Trials done.”

Dean looked at her for a long time. “Yeah, focus, that’s what I do.”

“You still need to talk to him though, Dean. Focusing on a task is one thing, but he’s your life.”

“I know, believe me I know. I will talk to him…I know that I have to, and soon. Too much is changing,” Dean said.

Raya laughed, but not a full-on evil demon laugh, something a lot closer to human. “I’m trying to become human so I can sacrifice myself to close the actual Gates of Hell. And you’re scared of sharing your heart with the one who already owns it. Get over yourself, Winchester.”

Dean joined her in laughing, because yeah, she was right. It made the rest of the drive go more quickly, listening to her stories of Sakina back in the day.


Sam tried to stay awake while Dean was out chasing down Raya, but all the emotion and the interior power surges caught up with him. He curled up on Dean’s bed just to shut his eyes for a nap, hoping things would be clearer or easier when he awoke, but instead he fell into a deep sleep.

The dream began with an extra edge to it, there was extra clarity, the colors heightened, all the sound and smells more real and memorable. Even as he dreamed, Sam felt the whiff of prophecy about what he was experiencing and tried to take in as much detail as possible.

Sam saw the Gates of Hell slamming closed, black and smoky shapes writhed in the air, the forms of disembodied demons howled and threw themselves against the structures, dissipating, reforming, and continuing their assault. But the Gates of Hell held fast, and the demons were kept inside where they belonged. There were no rules in Hell though, because there wasn’t a ruler to enforce them. As Crowley had always told them, demons were basically stupid animals, except for the few smart ones, and animals tend to get pretty chaotic and riotous when confined and left on their own.

He watched, fascinated, as the chaos ramped up, the torture regimes all accelerating, the souls that were in the process of becoming demons turning that much more quickly. All of a sudden, Hell was full to bursting with demons. The pressure on the Gates was building, the chaos won out and became the master, the ruler, and the edges of Hell began to seep under the Gates, sinking and slinking their way back up to the Earth’s surface. It was worse than when he’d opened that first Hell’s Gate back with the Colt and Azazel. The flow of demons was immense, covering the surrounding states in less than a week, the entire country in less than a month. Sam woke himself up before he saw what eventually happened to rest of the world. He lay there, panting, covered in sweat in Dean’s bed, the terror of what he’d just seen leaving a bad taste in his mouth, coating his thoughts as well as the blood thrumming through his veins.

Hell was even worse off than he’d been thinking it was, with Crowley, Lucifer and Asmodeus gone, the state of it as it was now…well it wasn’t even close to being ready to be locked up forever. The idea that he should go rule Hell temporarily came quickly on the heels of those thoughts. Because if the Gates were closed and Hell was left to be self-contained inside of them, the chaos would find an outlet somehow, maybe reopening the Gates somehow in some catastrophic way bringing the chaos to Earth (or even to Heaven). It all came back to the Balance thing, he and Dean were the hinge point between Heaven and Hell.

This wasn’t a dream that he could ignore.

Before he could get himself fully back together, he heard the familiar rumble of the Impala pulling into the garage. He could hear Dean leading Raya back into the dungeon room and Dean’s footsteps approaching his door. He wiped his face dry on Dean’s pillowcase and tried to rearrange his expression and emotions well enough to hide what he’d just decided from Dean. That would be the hardest and worst part of this, because he couldn’t tell him. Dean would never agree, never even let him try. But he had to, he knew he had to do it. They couldn’t be the Balance together if there wasn’t anything left to be balanced.

“We’re back,” Dean said from the doorway.

“I heard,” Sam said, rubbing his face on the pillow one last time, breathing in the smell of his brother. Storing it up just in case. “Guess I better go get started.” Sam tried to get up and just leave the room, the less talking and interacting with Dean, the better for keeping his secret.

But Dean had other plans, he grabbed Sam around the waist as he walked by and pulled Sam in for a hug.

“Was it hard to go back there?” Sam asked, hugging him back, his whole body so grateful for the contact, pulling power or whatever from Dean immediately. It almost masked the reaction of his body to Dean’s proximity. To the press of their groins together, to Dean’s hands on his back, in his hair. He gathered himself up tall and pushed Dean away gently. “I gotta go get started.”

“I know, just thought you might need a recharge before you did,” Dean said, looking a little embarrassed.

“I did need that, thank you,” Sam said, quickly taking off down the hall before he blurted the whole truth out. He was already hating himself for having to lie, but Dean would understand. He had to.


Sam stood over Raya, one hand on her shoulder as he injected the third hypo full of his blood. “You know, I read about you and Sakina years ago. I can’t believe I got to meet one of the Sisters Without Mercy.”

“Is that what we are known as?” Raya asked, grinning so widely Sam could swear he saw her back teeth. She looked hungry, ravenous even. He shivered and tried to change the subject, taking a couple steps away from her.

“How would you come to know something like that, Sam?” Raya asked.

“It’s one of my—uh, hobbies, researching serial killers,” Sam said, feeling a little sheepish admitting it out loud to someone other than Dean. Well, Jody knew, and they kind of shared the obsession to a certain degree.

“We were known as serial killers?” Raya asked

“Yeah, why, does that surprise you?” Sam asked.

“It was not a defined thing to be back in my time. We did what we had to do to survive,” Raya said with a dark certainty that made Sam shiver again.

“But you enjoyed it, planned and profited from it,” Sam pointed out.

“There was no other way for us, not back then, not where and when we lived,” Raya said. “I’d do it all the same if I had to do it over again. Don’t try to tell me that the great Sam Winchester has never enjoyed killing someone else.”

Sam thought about it carefully, examining himself, there had been several times he had taken some satisfaction in killing someone or something, but it wasn’t the same as actually enjoying it. “I don’t agree, I’ve killed a lot of creatures, deities, monsters, even some people. And yeah, I’ve been glad that I was able to kill them, usually because it meant that me or someone I was trying to protect was saved. I wouldn’t say that’s the same thing as enjoying it.”

“What about when you had no soul?” Raya asked.

Sam tried to not let the shock of her knowing that show on his face. He had no idea if he’d managed it or not, and thought about how to answer that. “I don’t think about that time as being truly me, and the soulless version of me didn’t enjoy anything, he had no emotions. He only wanted to get the job done.”

“Do you miss that simplicity? Crowley said he thought you seemed happier that way, not so conflicted maybe?” Raya asked, “I could give that back to you, you know.”

“No, never. Having no soul was worse than being possessed by a demon or an angel, or both at once.”

Raya raised her eyebrows. “Both at once? Is that even possible?”

“Long story, speaking of Crowley…but yeah, been there done that, and I’d rather do it again than spend another second alive without my soul.”

“You’re going down there aren’t you?” Raya said.

“Going down where?” Sam asked, trying to hide his surprise,

“Still a demon, still reading your mind, sorry,” Raya said with a weak smile.

“Yeah, I am, I have to. I…uh…I had a dream about what’ll happen if I don’t. I’m going to put things right before you get the Gates closed. That way Hell won’t throw all its chaos onto the earth just as I’m nearing retirement age.”

“Are you telling him that you’re going? Will he know where you went and why?” Raya asked.

“Only if you tell him. And if you do, he’ll try to stop me. I promise I won’t go until I’ve finished curing you, okay? And I’ll be back here before you’re done with the third Trial.”

“It’s not going to be pretty while you’re gone,” Raya said, head lolling back on the chair with exhaustion.

“Yeah, I know, but it will be when I come home,” Sam said.

“I won’t give away your little plan, Sam, but I think I actually have a way to help. Do you still have that amulet, the one that Dean always wore?”

“Yeah, why?” Sam asked, wondering which demon had talked to her about that, probably Meg or Bela. He’d had the amulet hidden away when Abaddon had been around.

“It’s your ticket in and out of there, anything that’s a conduit to God will work in this spell. I assume you have a copy of the ‘Codex Gigas,’ look in the fourteenth section on via iter est ad infernum. You’ll find it there, it’s quite easy when you know where to look.”

“Fourteenth section on ways to travel to Hell, I’ll go look it up right now. Thanks, Raya,” Sam said as he was leaving the dungeon.


Dean lay next to Sam on his bed, listening to the second side of Rush’s

‘Moving Pictures.’ It sounded really good on his new speakers. Sam’s body had finally relaxed, at least it seemed like it had. Sam was almost done with curing Raya and he’d come in to rest with him, just to get a break from being in there with all the crying and carrying on.

He knew it was different this time for Sam than it had been before, doing the cure with Crowley and then Dean, because he’d known them. Sam was still angry with Raya for what she’d done to Dean and so he’d had a harder time controlling that anger as she cried and raged at him.

Dean turned over to face Sam after the album side ended. “You know how we were talking about the whole un-demon-ing spell and why it did or didn’t work?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, what about it?” Sam asked.

“I was wondering about how it worked for you,” Dean asked.

“Because of me having Azazel’s blood you mean?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, wasn’t it still in you at that point?” Dean asked.

“And isn’t it still in me even now is what you’re really asking here,” Sam said with a half-sided grin. “The answer is no, I don’t still have Azazel’s blood in me. I thought it had burned out back with the whole letting Lucifer thing out, but it was still there when I went through the first two Trials. That was part of what made me so ill while it was burning it all out of me.”

“When you had that fever, in that hotel in Colorado, you were raving about being purified.”

“That’s what I meant, it was literally burned out of me and it really really sucked. It sucked having it in there all that time even more I guess. So yeah, I’ve been completely demon-blood free for a few years now.”

“That’s…that’s good to know,” Dean said, not sure where to put this new information. Not sure why he was suddenly feeling so happy to hear about it. Sam possibly having demon blood in him all this time hadn’t been near the top of his worries-about-Sam list for years.


Chapter 7