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The Wanting Comes In Waves

All Sam/Dean, All The Time

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Gift Box

Fic: Gift Box - Chapter 3 of 3

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Back in the motel, they move the furniture out of the way and make the markings with some of the blood on the old orange carpet.  “Wonder how much they’ll charge us to clean this up?” Sam wonders.

“It won’t be cheap, but hey it’s not really our money right?”

 At this point they don’t really care, finding out who had trapped them is way more important than any carpet or charge on a stolen credit card. 

Sam catches Dean’s eye as he puts the container of lamb’s blood down next to the ritual bowl. “You ready?”

Trying to look as confident as possible, Dean answers, “Yeah, let’s do this.”

Sam speaks the words he’s memorized as Dean mixes the lamb’s blood into the other ingredients in the bowl, both hoping that it works.  Nothing happens and they look at each other, eyebrows raised, shoulders starting to shrug in sync, and then they hear the heavy fluttering of wings and Balthazar appears between the bed and the window.

“Well, color me surprised, you mudfish figured it out.” He drawls out in his heavy affected Euro trash accent.

“Why’d you do it Balthazar?” Dean asks, trying not to get offended by his mightier-than-thou attitude right off the bat, after all, he owes this angel a huge debt.

“Couldn’t leave things like that, I thought Cas would have wanted me to clean up after him, especially fixing you Sam”. Balthazar answers airily, as if it doesn’t matter at all to him.

“Well, uh, thanks.” Sam says, remembering with an internal wince, his soul-less self’s dealings with Balthazar.

“So you two finally figured out that the power of true love’s first kiss isn’t just a made-up fairytale story.  It worked for you, just like I knew it would.  Well, my job here is done, hope we never see each other again.” Balthazar waves at them in an offhand dismissive gesture.

“Wait, what happened to Cas, do you know? And how can we defeat the Leviathans? Can you at least tell us before you go?”  Sam demands, managing to sound somewhat placating and humble.

“Alright fine, fine.  But I’ve got a mansion filled with party people waiting for me, let’s make this quick. Cas is gone, he’s been restored by God, taken back up to Heaven’s Guantanamo for re-training.  He won’t ever be coming back to Earth, and by the time they’re done with him, he won’t remember his time with you or what he learned and did in your company.” 

Dean and Sam look at each other, both stunned, Dean comments sadly, sounding a little shaken, “So he’s just gone, just like that.  Well at least he’s not dead, that’s something I guess. How did you survive anyways, thought Cas would have figured out you’d double-crossed him.”

“Hah, fucking hah.  Yes he did.  He actually killed me.  Hurt like a son-of-a-bitch too.”

“Well, then how the hell are you standing here talking to us?” Dean’s voice is angry, he’s feeling bad about what happened with Cas and worried that Balthazar is going to take off before he helps them.

“Well, seems I’m taking Cas’s place as the resurrect-until-he-gets-it-right guy.  Not that I’m happy about it, let me tell you, because I have no freaking idea what lesson God is trying to teach here.  Eventually I’ll figure it out I suppose.  I’ve got eternity and all that, but first you’ve got some work to do, now that you’re out of that box.”

“Wait, let me guess you’re gonna tell us we’re on a mission from God now or something?” Dean scoffs.

Balthazar of course gets the pop culture reference that Cas would have missed completely, and answers with a sneer, “Something like that, more like a mission to God.  You’ve got to put the Leviathans back where they belong.”

We do? How is that something we can accomplish when even juiced up Cas couldn’t do it?” Sam asks forcefully, because he can’t think of any way possible that they could be helpful in this situation.

“You’re much more resourceful than you think.” Balthazar pronounces as if it is somewhat painful for him to admit.

“I don’t think so Balthazar, we’re done trying to clean up after Cas. You do it.” Dean crosses his arms defiantly.

“Not in my current job description I’m afraid, and there aren’t any other angels around that are interested in taking it on.  So it’s on you.  I’ve got to undo everything around all the false believers that Castiel as the new God created.  The Leviathans are another sort of issue altogether.  You know they’re older than we angels, and they’ve been locked away from everything and everyone in Purgatory for longer than you two can even conceive.  So none of us that are left really know much about them.  Honestly, you know as much as we angels do at this point.”

“Like I believe that one, try again.”

“Dean, I’m not lying here. But God’s going to be the go-to guy on this one I’m afraid, and nobody but Joshua has talked to him in eons.  Your best bet is using that finding charm that Cas was trying to use.  He said he gave it back to you Dean, you still have it right?”

Dean and Sam look at each other again, both stricken.  Sam with sadness, Dean with guilt.

“Oh no, come on, tell me you didn’t manage to lose something that useful.” Balthazar scolds incredulously.

“No, uh, I threw it away actually.”  Dean mutters, sounding so ashamed.

“Why am I not surprised that I’m not at all surprised.  Dean Winchester continually screwing up on the important plot points since 1979.”

“Hey!” Dean shouts, trying to stop Balthazar from any further insults.

“Well, I wasn’t going to say anything, but, uh, I have it.” Sam says quietly.

Dean turns to look at him and asks incredulously, “What do you mean you have it? How could you?”

Sam looks at Dean, taking in the hardness of his face, how he’s set it against this haunting pain they both know the amulet represents, he says quickly, “Found it in my old duffle bag, the one you kept for me in the Impala while I was in the Cage.   It was right where I’d stashed it the night you threw it away.  Guess it’s been there ever since.”

Dean’s eyes shutter, his walls falling back down, cutting himself off as completely as possible, “Why didn’t you tell me Sam?”

“I didn’t think you’d want it back right away, and I couldn’t take that, not with everything that was going on at the time, and after I got my soul back, well, I still wasn’t sure you wanted it back.”  Sam answers as gently as he can, hoping his forgiveness is apparent in his voice, since Dean won’t look at him to see it written on his face.

“Gentlemen, as much as this telenovela conversation is oh so very intriguing, I must depart, places to go, cocktails to serve, you know how it is.   The amulet will work for you, it wasn’t meant to be wielded by angels.  You’ve just got to find the companion to it, then together they’ll do the job.   Good luck with the God finding and the Leviathan vanquishing.  Hope we never ever meet again.” He smiles at both of them and they hear the familiar flutter of heavy wings and Balthazar is gone, leaving them alone.

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Sam looks over at Dean who seems to have drawn in on himself, he can’t see his face, but he can tell by the body language that he wants to be left alone.  He sits down on the bed across from him anyways, waiting to see what Dean will do or say next, prepared for anything, not sure if he should be ready to run or defend himself.

“Can I see it?” Dean asks abruptly, not meeting Sam’s eyes at all.

“Yeah, sure, of course.”  Sam gets up from his bed, moves quickly to his duffle rummaging around in its depths until he comes up with a small bundle which he unwraps.  He crosses back over to where Dean is standing, putting the amulet in his hand, and sits back on the bed, waiting to see what Dean will do now that he holds the representation of Sam choosing Dean as his everything all those years ago.

To Dean it represents everything he’s fought for their whole lives together, just sitting there gleaming softly in his hand, rebuking him silently for his stupidity.

“Huh, seems smaller than I remember it being.” Dean sinks down to sit on the bed next to Sam, as if weighed down by the tiny amulet he’s holding in his hand.  He’s trying hard not to break under the weight of his guilt when he remembers the day he threw it away, trying not to beg his brother for forgiveness, trying not to beg Sam to give it back to him, trying not to rage at his brother for not telling him that he had it all this time. 

Sam is watching him closely, seeing all of this warring visibly on his brother’s face.  “It’s been awhile since you’ve seen it.” Sam says quietly.

“True.  So how do you think it works?” Dean tries to go for a non-confrontational, removed question, just to see if it works, if it will postpone him having to think or talk about one of his life’s biggest failures and regrets.

So we’re not talking about this Sam thinks to himself, he understands it, but he’s got to give it to Dean, still King Champion of Denial, he tries to match Dean’s impassive light tone, “Not sure, do you remember how Cas was using it?”

Dean shakes his head, “He never showed me, I have no idea.  Bobby gave it to you originally right?”

“Yeah he did, it was a long time ago though, hope he remembers something to help us find the companion amulet.  Guess we ought to call him.” Sam starts to move towards the table where his cell phone is, but thinks better of it, wanting to stay at Dean’s side until this is over.

Dean notices Sam’s aborted movement of course and is both relieved and pissed that Sam’s right there still in his space, “We kind of have to call him anyways and tell him what’s going on with your powers and what Balthazar told us about the Leviathans and all.”

Dean stands up abruptly, and turns towards the door.  Maybe I should walk out that door before I start begging, he thinks.  Maybe he just needs to get away from this moment and the heaviness between them, it’s too much.  After a pause that goes on too long, he reaches his hand out to Sam with the amulet dangling, trying to give it back.  But instead of taking the offered necklace, Sam surprises him by merely wrapping his own hand around Dean’s, enclosing the cold metal within their now-clenched warm hands. 

“Keep it.  It was always yours.” Sam looks up at his big brother, trying to reassure him with his eyes that he means what he’s saying, that he doesn’t expect him to do or say anything to get it back.

Dean gulps loudly, deep emotion changing his whole face into something indescribably beautiful. “Okay. Thanks Sam.”

Sam lets go of Dean’s hand, stands up and quickly envelops Dean into a hug, feeling him resist at first and then melting against him.  He pulls back, takes the amulet out of Dean’s clenched fist and puts it gently over his head.  “There, now you finally look right again.”

Dean smiles up at him, with one of those full-watt-knock-you-on-your-ass-with-its-brilliance-smiles, his eyes suspiciously wet with unshed tears.  “Thanks Sammy.” He leans up to capture Sam’s lips against his, pouring his apology, his regret, his acceptance of Sam’s forgiveness into this kiss that ends up meaning more to him than all the other ones they’ve shared so far.

They break apart slowly, reluctant to let go of each other, not wanting to let go of this blissful feeling of grace between them.   Sam is still holding him loosely, hands gently stroking the sides of his neck, rubbing over the amulet’s silky worn leather.  “So now it’s our turn to try to find God, this should be interesting.”

“No kidding, nothing like a to-do list huh?  And Balthazar said he fixed you, do you feel any different?”

“Yeah I do, it’s hard to explain but I know the Hell memories are there, but it’s like they’re locked away and put on a high-up shelf, not right up in the front of my mind.  I don’t know about the powers thing though.”

“Thank God, guess I can say that again, now that we’re looking for Him.  That’s kinda amazing Sam, I hope it really worked for good.   So go ahead try it out and see if you have any of your powers, see if there’s anything there still.”

Sam lets go of Dean and sits back down on the bed.  He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, makes a screwed-up pained face and then relaxes.  “Nope nothin’.  Guess maybe I have to be in a more intense emotional situation.”

Dean barks out a self-deprecating laugh, “Huh, this wasn’t enough for you?   Well if we need to create one of those, give me a heads up ok?”

Sam rolls his eyes, smiling fondly, “Sure, of course.”

Flopping down to lie on the bed next to Sam, Dean asks, “Hey Sammy?”

“Yeah?” Sam turns to look down at Dean, who’s got his faced turned away towards the window.

“You know that vision thing you were telling me about, back when we were stuck in the box?” Dean asks a little too quietly.

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Sam reaches out to touch Dean’s waist, wanting his hands on Dean as they talk about this, because it’s important, to both of them, “Uh, yeah, what about it?”

“When was it gonna happen do you think?” Dean asks, trying to keep the worry out of his voice and not succeeding.

“Well, like I said, we were both a lot older, I think at least ten years.” Sam answers, caressing up and down Dean’s side, trying to remember the details of his vision.

Dean turns over suddenly, looking up at Sam, “Huh.”

Sam tilts his head to the side in question, stilling his hand on Dean’s stomach, “Why are you asking Dean?”

“Just thinking about what we’ll be doing for the next ten years, and how it will work out that we end up with a house somehow.  I’m not seeing how that works out.”  Dean looks at Sam closely; to see if he’s feeling worried about the future at all like he is.

Reading Dean’s worry instantly, Sam tries to soothe his brother’s fear with his response, “Me either, there wasn’t a lot to go on in the vision to explain how we got there.  It wasn’t like a fancy, expensive house, so I guess it wouldn’t take too much money.  But definitely out of our price range with how we live now.”

Trapping Sam’s circling hand on his belly and squeezing it hard to emphasize his point, Dean finally lets his real worry out, “Hard to see how we get from here to there.  Hey, after we stop the Leviathans you still wanna keep hunting?”

Sam’s instantly lost, is this really his brother asking this question?  “Sure, of course.  What else would we do?”

“I don’t know, just thought I’d ask, thought maybe after having this vision you’d want to change things.” Dean tries for nonchalant and misses entirely; he knows he’s given himself away.

“What? We haven’t changed things enough for you?”  Sam gestures with his hand between them, indicating their new physical relationship and everything else that’s changed along with it.

“No, not that, that’s plenty of change for a while.  But I’m thinking I don’t want to risk losing you anymore now that…” Dean trails off, not sure how to finish his thought without sounding like a romance novel heroine.  Shifting uncomfortably on the bed, too close to his brother sitting tucked in next to him, but enjoying having Sam’s hand still a comforting weight on his lower stomach. He stops himself from anymore squirming, just lying there wishing that all this talking would come to an end.

“Now that what Dean?”  Sam asks gently, knowing that something is making it hard for Dean to get out his question, probably his hesitation to break the no-chick-flick moments rule yet again.

“Now that we’re together like this.” Dean states with a subdued determination, not meeting Sam’s eyes.

Sam’s stunned into silence.  He’d never thought his brother would ever say something like that, much less even think it.  He turns halfway towards Dean and puts his hand on his arm to stop him from trying to get away, “Listen, I appreciate what you’re saying, I really do, and I don’t want to risk you either, especially not now.  But we can’t let this change everything about our lives.”

Sitting up abruptly, shrugging off Sam’s hand, Dean asks loudly, “Why the hell not?”

Sam puts his hands out in a placating gesture, “Dean, it’s not just what we do, it’s who we are, we’re hunters.   You want to give up your life’s work just because we’re finally together?”

Dean swings his legs over the side of the bed, standing up quickly, “Yeah Sam, yeah I do, I really do.”

Looking up in surprise at his brother, Sam stammers out, “Wow, I didn’t think that…”

“Didn’t think what?” Dean looks down into Sam’s face and sees the surprise and his heart falls somewhere around the vicinity of the soles of his feet.

Sam mumbles, “I guess I didn’t think that it would mean that much to you.”

“Well fuck-you-very-much!  Of course it does, of course you do!” Dean yells and gestures wildly with his hands, trying and failing not to show how angry he is with Sam right now.

Sam grabs for one of Dean’s still swinging hands, and pulls him around so he can see his face, “Alright, alright, calm down.  That didn’t come out right, what I said, I’m sorry.  I just, I didn’t really understand how deep this goes for you.  I’m there with you, believe me.  But we can’t just stop, what we do matters, we save people.”

“Yeah but you matter more.” Dean jabs Sam in the chest, hard, with one pointed finger, emphasizing the “you”.

Sam grabs for the hand that’s jabbing at him and holds on tight, tugging Dean to stay near him, “Dean. God! You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to hear you say that.  But c’mon haven’t we always felt that way about each other?  I know I have.  So what’s really changed?”

“How stupid are you anyways Sam, what’s changed? Everything, that’s what’s changed!  At least it has for me.  Guess not for you. That’s just great. I knew it.”  Dean shakes off both of Sam’s hands and stalks away from the bed towards the door, finally turning his back on his brother; he can’t deal with this anymore.

“Knew what?” Sam asks quietly, terrified in a deep-down visceral way that this is maybe his last chance with Dean, either they get through this, or it all ends up in useless, sharp smithereens.

“Knew that this wasn’t going to work, we shouldn’t have done this.”  Dean’s got his hand on the doorknob, and he’s ready to walk out, just for a while, he feels this deep need to get away, make this pain stop, try to cover over the openings in his heart.  It’s all too much at once, it feels too raw and uncertain and Damnit, Sam knows he can’t deal with emotions like this.

Sam leaps up off the bed and is at Dean’s back in a flash, both hands on his shoulders, forcibly turning him around, “Oh come on! Where the hell do you think you’re going? Dean, you can’t give up just like that, we’ve barely started anything.  We’ve gotta work this out, it’s too important to just blow off.”

“I’m not blowing off anything Sam, you are.  I just told you I don’t want to risk you anymore, and you’re pretty much telling me you don’t care.”  Dean tries to push off Sam’s hands on his shoulders, but Sam’s not budging, so he shoves them in his pockets, trying to close himself off from this emotional barrage.

Sam sees Dean’s walls coming up, so he rubs his hands up onto Dean’s neck, caressing in the spots he’s recently discovered drive Dean crazy, he softens his voice, hoping that it will cut through Dean’s defenses, “Oh I care alright, of course I do.  Dean I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.  I don’t even want to think about it.”

Leaning his head towards one of Sam’s caressing hands, Dean sighs, “Well, I have, a lot.  I had more than a year to do that, when you were gone and let’s just say if you hadn’t made me promise to go to Lisa and try to live a normal life, well I probably wouldn’t be here talking to you right now and your soul would still be in the damn Cage.”

Sam’s hands stop moving and press in firmly to the sides of Dean’s neck, “Are you saying that you would have what? Killed yourself or something?”

“Probably not on purpose, but yeah, it wouldn’t have taken long to get sloppy, not with the way I was drinking, especially if I’d kept hunting on my own. And Sam, that was before, all of this even happened.”  Dean gestures between them, meaning the sex, the declarations of love, everything that happened in the box and afterwards.  It’s almost a physical pain to say the words, but he quietly admits, “I can’t even imagine what would happen to me now.”

Sam can’t answer for a while, and pulls Dean into him for a hug, molding himself to his brother’s body. He thinks back to the times he was without Dean and how messed up he got, those first few awful months at Stanford where he could barely breathe for being so alone.  Or in Florida when Gabriel tried to teach him a lesson for all those Tuesdays and the six months after the Wednesday when Dean was shot, how robotic and terrifying he got, single-mindedly hunting, obsessed with getting Dean back.  And that doesn’t even compare to when Dean was lost to Hell for those long four months and he fell into Ruby’s arms and plans and almost screwed up the whole damn world.  And that was all before everything’s been changed with the new dimension added to their relationship. 

Pulling back from the hug, Sam looks down into Dean’s upturned, stricken face, “You’re right.”

Dean raises his eyebrows in surprise, “I am?”

“Yeah, you’re right, it won’t work anymore, us hunting, if something happened to you…well, I don’t want to, no, I can’t ever be like that again.”  Sam shakes his head and looks over Dean’s shoulder out the window.

Dean leans up and speaks quietly into Sam’s ear, making him shiver, and “Be like what Sam?”

Before he answers, Sam lets go of Dean and turns away, sitting down heavily on the nearest bed, dropping his head, dangling his hands loosely between his legs.  “I, uh never told you this, remember Florida, the Trickster, Gabriel?”

Dean pushes off the door where he was leaning and walks towards Sam, stopping next to him and running a hand through the soft, wavy hair at the base of Sam’s neck.“Yeah sure, you told me about the 100 Tuesdays seeing me die every day, what about it?”

“I never told you about the one Wednesday where you died, for good.” Sam says in a deadly even monotone.

Sitting down right next to his brother, Dean asks, “Wait, I’m confused, a Wednesday where I died?”

Sam’s still focusing on something intensely interesting on the floor, and continues in the flat, toneless voice, “Yeah the first Wednesday after Gabriel said he’d stop the time loop, a mugger shot you in the parking lot, and you were dead.  For real.  For six months.  And I went off the deep end, really dark, really fast.  I was almost as bad as my soul-less self, even got to the point where I was willing to sacrifice Bobby to get you back.”

“Sam, why didn’t you ever tell me this?” Dean asks in a surprised, demanding voice.

Sam sinks into himself even further, drawing away from contact with Dean, “Didn’t think it would help at all if you knew that about me, knew what a monster I’d turn into without you, because your deal was coming due and everything.”

Putting his arm around Sam’s shoulders, Dean draws him close, trying to catch his eye, “I’m glad you waited ‘til now to tell me.  So you really think I’m right about quitting, after we finish the Leviathans?”

“Yeah, I do.  But what are we going to do instead?” Sam asks, assuming with that underlying little-brother-hero-worship-expectation of his big brother to of course have a plan.

Dean sits up straighter, letting go of Sam, slapping his hands on his own knees, “That I hadn’t thought about too much.  Going legit hasn’t really ever been an option or a goal for me.”

“I could see you as an EMT.” Sam offers, matter-of-factly.

Dean turns back towards Sam, drawing up his leg and bumping his knee down onto Sam’s thigh, “Really?”

With the casual weight of Dean’s leg pressing into him, reminding him that they’re really together, Sam tries to explain it so that Dean will accept the praise as well as his idea, “Yeah, you’d be good, you’ve taken care of me so many times, and you’re good under pressure, plus you’d be helping save people and it wouldn’t be too risky like being a cop.”

“Think Frank can get us good enough ID so you can go back to school?” Dean throws this out there knowing that his issues with college were always about Sam leaving him, and now that they’re together, he wants Sam to start dreaming big again.

Sam rubs at Dean’s thigh, feeling the strength and give, surprised and grateful that his brother remembers and accepts his old dreams, “Huh, that’d be awesome if he could, I wouldn’t mind trying to do law school again.”

“So we need to land someplace we can afford, where there’s a good law school, I can get a job while you get your degree and then you can support me in style when you’re a lawyer pulling in the big bucks.”  Dean’s responding to Sam’s hand rubbing on his thigh, it’s impossible not to, and he hopes by turning the conversation in a slightly silly direction,  Sam won’t notice and get mad at him for not wanting to keep talking and only wanting one thing. 

Sam stops massaging Dean’s thigh and grips hard near his knee, breaking the tension he’d felt rising in Dean, “Let me just stop you right there, I’m not going to be some big bucks lawyer, I think I’d want to be more of a public defender type. Help people, you know?”

Grabbing Sam’s hand off his knee, Dean answers, “Yeah, I figured, just giving you a hard time.  Still my job right?”

Sam squeezes their hands together, pulling them into his chest near his heart, “Oh please, never stop.”

Dean can’t help rolling his eyes at that one, “That’s my plan Sam.”

Still holding their hands together and grinning in response, Sam answers, “If you say that one more time, I swear I’ll…”

“What’ll you do, huh little brother?” Dean worms his hand out of Sam’s grasp and jabs his fingers into Sam’s sides, gearing up to tickle him until he can’t breathe.

Sam leans over and kisses him just to shut him up.  And then that’s not quite enough because Dean’s about to say something else, and Sam’s done talking, done thinking about the future, just done worrying about the whole Leviathan thing. He’s done, and Dean’s there still wanting to carry on bugging him, and Sam’s not going to put up with it.  So he keeps kissing Dean, which might just be his new favorite thing to do.  Dean’s not protesting or resisting.  At all.  Sam pushes Dean a little so he gets the message to lie back on the bed.  Sam quickly crawls up and lies down on top of him, covering him completely.

“We gonna go out and get anything done today or what?” Dean asks, before Sam can cover his lips with his own again.

Sam kisses his way down Dean’s neck instead, stopping to bite where his neck meets his shoulder. “Not planning on it, nope, got better things to do right here.”

“Like what?” Dean asks, knowing the answer, but just curious to see what the hell Sam will say.

“You need to take these clothes off. Now Dean.”

“Why Sam, I do believe that’s the most forward thing I’ve ever heard in my whole life.” Dean simpers with an affected high pitched Southern woman’s voice.

Sam stands up, towering over Dean who’s still lying on the bed, and pulls off his shirt, shooting an impatient challenging look at Dean. 

Dean sees that Sam’s got that I’ve-made-up-my-mind look that is pointless to ever try and change. And besides, who is he kidding? He’s not in any hurry to get up and go anywhere at the moment.  It’s not like they’ve got a deadline on this finding God assignment.  So he decides a little more teasing is what Sam needs, so he doesn’t do anything.  Just matches Sam’s look with a fierce, why-don’tcha-make-me look of his own.

 Sam grins when he sees this, knows instantly what Dean’s doing so he turns and stalks towards the bathroom.  “You’re gonna wanna be naked when I get back.” Sam yells over his shoulder as he closes the door.

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Dean just laughs and lies there for a few long minutes, looking at the mottled ceiling, wondering whether Sam’s kidding or not.  He doesn’t remove a stitch of clothing, and when the door opens, a now very naked Sam’s eyes go flat with what looks like genuine anger.  “What? You thought I was just talking to hear my own voice?”

Dean shrugs, still lying there fully clothed. “Figured you were kidding.”

“Oh no Dean, I was very serious.  I wanted to come out here and see you spread out, hard and waiting for me.  Got myself ready and everything.  Was going to climb right on top of you, slide right on and ride you for awhile.  But I guess I’m moving too fast for you.  Maybe later.”  Sam turns to head back into the bathroom for his clothes.

His mouth goes dry at hearing his brother’s words, Dean feels himself hardening at the picture Sam just described, “Sam. No.  Now’s good, just give me a second.”  Dean sits up quickly, taking off his boots and throwing them across the room, watching as Sam stalks over to sit on the edge of the dresser, leaning back, spreading his legs and begins stroking himself slowly.    Dean stands and takes off his clothes as fast as he can, walking over to stand between Sam’s legs.  He reaches down to join his hand with Sam’s moving up and down in slow pulsing strokes from the base to the tip and back down again.  Dean lets his hand linger at the bottom and gently rolls Sam’s balls back and forth in one hand, caressing the spot just behind that is almost always too sensitive.  Sam just groans in response and thrusts up into the air fruitlessly. 

Dean keeps reaching back and feels something wet and slippery as he gets close to Sam’s hole.  “Shit you really did it?”

“Yeah, of course.  Why would I lie?” Sam reaches up and tugs on the amulet that Dean’s still wearing, pulling him in a little closer so he can bite and suck on his lower lip.

Dean can’t answer; he’s too busy pushing his finger inside Sam, discovering just how wet and open Sam’s made himself, letting out an embarrassing needy groan.  “Tell me how much you want it.”

Sam says between pleasure-filled gasps, “Don’t just want it, need it.”

Dean nods in response and pulls Sam up from the dresser by grabbing him around the waist, and brings him in close to his body so they’re touching in as many places as possible.  “Well if you need it, you’re gonna get it.”  Dean leans up to kiss Sam, and Sam responds by deepening the kiss until it’s almost too rough, their cocks are rubbing against each other and both of them are suddenly on edge. 

Sam pulls back and pushes Dean towards the bed.  “Lie down for me, put this on.”

Dean’s surprised by the foil package Sam throws down next to him. But he does as he’s asked this time, lies back, quickly rolls the condom on and strokes himself as he watches his brother walk towards him and flow over him like a wave hitting the waiting shore.  And then Sam’s on him, surrounding him, sliding down so slowly, impaling himself on Dean’s cock inch by inch until Dean can barely stand it.  Sam stops when he’s got all of Dean inside him, filled completely.  He searches Dean’s face to see if this means as much to him.  And yeah it does.  Of course. 

“Sam, I’m inside you.” Dean says in a voice filled with awe and wonder.

Sam just laughs, “I know.  Kinda how this works.”

And Sam laughing is just about the best thing Dean’s ever felt in his life, because he tightens up even more all around Dean and the vibrations from Sam’s deep laugh make everything feel that much better.  “God, when you laughed, it felt…”

“Feels good doesn’t it?” Sam laughs again, knowing how much pleasure he’s giving Dean by doing it.

And Dean doesn’t want to think about why Sam knows this, he’s not going to stress about it, or even ask, he’s going to enjoy having a partner that knows more than he does for once.  “Feels really good, what now?”

That question stops the small rocking movement Sam had started, “Wait, you’ve never done this before?” 

Dean groans, because the rhythm was feeling good, and Sam stopped, and Damnit he gave himself away.  He’s fooled around some with guys, blow jobs of course, and he’s been on the receiving end, but he’d never wanted to do the penetrating.  At some level, it had everything to do with wanting to be with Sam. And he sure as hell didn’t want Sam to know any of this. So he gives the smallest, hopefully least revealing answer possible, “No.”

Sam reaches down and caresses the side of Dean’s face gently, “Glad I could be your first Dean.”

Managing to push away the embarrassment of his newly discovered virginity, Dean meets his brother’s eyes and smiles back up at him, “Me too, Sammy.”

With that settled, Sam starts up the rocking rhythm again, slowly moving himself back and forth on Dean’s cock, enjoying the feeling of movement and penetration and togetherness.  Dean is holding back from thrusting up and into Sam, maybe he’s not sure if he’s supposed to or not.  “C’mon work with me here, give it to me.” 

Dean gives in to the urge to thrust then at hearing Sam’s encouragement, bends his legs, braces his feet and begins moving his brother up and down as he thrusts powerfully up into him, the tightness, the heat, being gripped so hard and so completely.  By Sam.  It’s almost too much and then he feels Sam change his position slightly so that he’s hitting him even deeper inside.  Sam makes a noise he hadn’t heard yet, a yell and a squeak together and then Sam gasps out in pleasure, “Oh god, right there, don’t stop, please don’t…”

Dean redoubles his efforts to keep thrusting hard and into the same place.  Sam braces one hand on Dean’s chest, and reaches his other hand down to start stripping his cock at a matching pace.  Dean can feel everything getting tighter and tighter as Sam’s climax comes roaring towards them.  “Dean.” Is all Sam can manage as he lets loose, covering Dean’s stomach.  A few more thrusts up into a now more pliant and boneless Sam is all Dean needs to join him in that lovely haze of pleasure.  Sam collapses over him and rolls off, letting Dean pull out slowly.  He can only manage to strip off and tie the condom and drop it off the side of the bed. They wrap up in each other up tightly and pull the sheet over themselves, both drifting off to sleep without saying anything.

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Dean slowly awakens with the sound of Sam’s low, throaty giggle in his ears. Wait. A giggle? From Sam?  Is this déjà vu?  He cracks an eye open and looks around, relieved to see that they’re still in the motel room, not back in a box in the ground.  Sam’s petting his hair again, just like he had before and Dean can’t help himself from leaning into the touch, he’d forgotten how nice it is to have someone do that. 

Sam wakes up at that and stops. “Sorry, did I do it again?”

Dean thinks Sam’s giggle might be the best sound in the world, either that or the way Sam moans his name as he comes. “Yeah, it’s okay though.  Were you having the dream again?”

“Uh huh.  Same one.  Even better this time.”  Sam tries not to feel embarrassed about giggling again, and is glad Dean isn’t giving him a hard time about it.  He pulls Dean in closer and runs his hand through the short hair at the nape of his neck and tugs on the soft cord of the amulet.

Dean shivers at the exquisite feeling of having Sam’s hands on him like this, and asks, “Better how?”

Sam whispers in his ear, “You’ll just have to wait and see.”


giftbox icon1Masterpost*~*~*gift box icon2Chapter 2

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