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The Wanting Comes In Waves

All Sam/Dean, All The Time

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Trelawny - Ch 5 of 10 (Sam/Dean NC-17)

trelawny ch5

In the morning, Sam wakes up to the sounds of Dean getting up out of his bed. He peeks open one eye and sees him stretching his arms wide like he does every morning, looking out the window over Sam’s bed going through the Marine Corps stretch routine that their dad had taught them so many years ago.

“Mornin’” Sam says, looking up at his brother in the new day’s light, which seems to paint him in gold hues that make him even more beautiful, he can’t help but smile at the thought that at least he gets to see this sight every morning, Dean whole and alive and beautiful, smiling back at him.

“Mornin’ to you too sunshine, you gonna stay in bed all day? I ain’t bringing you breakfast in bed.”

“I’m getting up, just didn’t want to interrupt you.”

“You just like your free show every morning.”

“Yeah, I do. So what, you’re the exhibitionist buddy, you could do that anywhere else in this giant house of ours.” Sam grumbles.

“Just say the word Sammy, we can designate one of the rooms as the stretching room, you can do yours at night and I can do mine in the morning.”

“I don’t mind watching.”

Dean smiles to himself, “Oh so it’s like that is it?”

“Maybe, so what if it is.”

“Not sure I like you ogling me.”

“Jesus Dean.”

“Well, you’re the one watching me.”

“Of course I am. Who wouldn’t?”

Dean can’t help but inwardly preen a little at that, knowing that Sam still finds him attractive after all this time.  Even if things are so strange between them these days that he’s completely given up trying to figure out where he stands in Sam’s estimation.

Sam sees Dean react to his statement and is pleased, because he wasn’t sure that his attention was still wanted any more.  Just because they said they loved each other out loud, and in front of other people yesterday, hasn’t changed that.  Dean’s been giving him mixed signals ever since he got back from Purgatory, and since they closed all the Gates, but they’re not back together.  Not like they used to be. And Sam’s realized that he wants that, really wants that again with Dean, especially now that they have this place.  His wanting normal and safe includes Dean whether he acknowledges it or not, but they haven’t had that conversation and probably never will get around to it.

Sam decides to act instead of saying anything and reaches out the short distance to where Dean’s resumed stretching.  He runs his hand up and down the back of Dean’s thigh, loving how familiar the feeling of that particular muscle in that particular thigh is, the way it responds with a little twang to Sam’s touch like always.

Dean sinks into his bent-over stretch without a word, inwardly thrilling that finally, finally a move has been made.  He’s been waiting all this time for Sam to make up his damn mind, not wanting to be demanding when things were so up-in-the-air because of all the fighting about Amelia and Benny and the postponement of figuring things out because of getting through all the trials to close the Gates.  It’s been one of the hardest things to get through, having Sam right there next to him, living and breathing, bitch-facing and laughing, but not able to touch him.

When Dean doesn’t say anything about being touched, Sam takes that as an invitation to continue, figuring that this new Dean would definitely speak up if his advances were unwanted.  Sam moves his hand up the back of Dean’s thigh towards the lower part of where the swell of his ass begins, feeling the hardness of the muscles under the skin, the lovely fleshiness of Dean’s ass cheeks.  He rubs back and forth getting closer and close to the center near the crease between them where Dean is always so sensitive.   Sam would swear that Dean’s leaning back into his touch at this point, that he’s bearing up part of Dean’s weight under the touch of his one hand.  Sam decides to stop right there, not wanting to go any further until they’ve talked about this.  Not wanting to mess up the potential happiness that’s literally right here in the palm of his hand.

As soon as Sam’s hand leaves Dean’s body he feels himself sag in disappointment that Sam’s not pursuing this.  Half-hard and more than half-ready Dean turns and looks down at his brother, splayed out over the bed, relaxed and smiling up at him.  “You just teasing me Sammy?”

“Maybe, why do you want me to?”  Sam asks with that lopsided grin that’s always been irresistible.

Dean gestures at his more than apparent erection, beginning to tent out his pajama bottoms. “What’s it look like to you?”

“Looks like I’m doing something right.” Sam answers, throwing a challenging look up at Dean, holding his breath a little, and betting that he’ll catch it.

“Such a cock tease Sammy.”

“Least I’m not a clueless idiot.”

“What am I bein’ clueless about?”

“Would you just…get down here already?”  Sam spreads his legs in invitation, hoping against all faint hope that his brother is finally ready for this.

Dean hesitates, unsure that Sam isn’t going to change his mind at the next moment, “You’re sure?”

“Yes, I swear, just c’mon.” Sam practically begs.

Dean shrugs, feeling truly helpless against that look from Sam, the one that promises everything is on offer, that all he has to do is take it; his stomach swoops at the thought of this opportunity, to have and to take, to reconnect with Sam.  He lowers himself down over his brother slowly, wanting to feel his whole body react, thighs tightening up, then stomach, chest beginning to heave as Sam breathes faster, that red flush starting to show above the collar of his t-shirt, a little perspiration beading in the hollow of his throat.  Dean zeroes in on that and dives forward to lap it out, nipping around the edges on Sam’s neck tendons.

Dean’s bites cause Sam to groan and pull him down the rest of the way, sealing their bodies together with only their pajamas in-between.  Sam arches his head back as far as he can, burying himself past the edge of the pillows, baring his neck as completely as possible,  his eyes closed, making the familiar noises that tell Dean he’s biting him in the right places.

Feeling Dean biting his way up and down his neck is just about the best thing Sam’s felt in well over a year.  That his brother is all over him, weighing him down, pushing him into the mattress is a close second.  Sam can hear Dean saying something quietly in a little whispered groan every time he’s biting his neck, he can’t make it out though, it sounds like just a couple words repeated over and over again.

“What’re you saying?” Sam gasps out as Dean stops and sucks hard at the spot where Sam’s neck meets his collarbone, his favorite place to have Dean’s mark.

Dean stops and looks down at Sam, “I’m saying mine, still mine, ‘cause you are, right Sammy?”

“Yeah Dean, yeah of course I am.”

“Good. Now can I keep kissing you or are you looking for more conversation?”

Sam answers him by leaning up and into Dean, melding himself to Dean’s body and pulling him down, hard, clacking their teeth together violently in a possessive kiss.

“Always yours Dean, always.” Sam whispers into the small space between their lips.

Dean feels the air move past his over-heated lips and smiles down at Sam, kisses him between his eyebrows, smiling into the skin.  “Thank you Sam.”

Dean wants more than anything to say it, just come out right now and say it for once, but he can’t. He knows Sam gets it, of course he does.  Dean wonders if it would change anything if all of a sudden he was able to say those three little words without it practically requiring a law passed by both houses of Congress.  Yeah he loves Sam, and he’s pretty sure Sam knows it, body and soul, inside outside, come Hell, Heaven or Purgatory, nothing’s separating them. Not ever.  If Death and Life haven’t been able to so far, then Dean can’t imagine anything or anyone else more powerful that possibly could.

They pull and tug at each other’s clothing, finally getting it all off so that there’s nothing between them but their lifelong love for each other and this effervescent something that’s always there sparking up between them.  That force that’s gotten them through more bad spots than most couples ever have thrown at them.

Dean’s still on top of Sam, looking down at him with an unabashed look of open admiration, love and lust.  Sam returns the look and pulls him down for another long searching kiss.  It seems like forever that they were apart, but he finds that there isn’t much he’s forgotten about Dean’s mouth and lips, Dean still kissing in that all-consuming, mind-blowing way that ruined Sam for anyone else’s kisses over the years.  He doesn’t know if it’s just how Dean kisses or just how Dean kisses him. He’s not stopping right now to ask, not when Dean is pushing his legs even further apart so that they can slot together in their familiar arrangement, the one they’ve perfected in all of these years of finding pleasure together.  Both knowing that the friction is what they need, but everything else is what they want.

Dean feels that key-in-the-lock feeling once he gets in the right spot over Sam, moving to take them both in hand to seal the deal, but he tangles hands with Sam first, who was reaching to do the same thing.  They wind their fingers together around their straining erections, slicked by sweat and pre-come, their grip just right, the sensation of his cock sliding against his brother’s after all this time. Is almost overwhelming.  The strength under the softness, how alive he feels holding Sam like this, being held by Sam like this. Their hips move in unison and counterpoint until it’s all just too good to bear.

Sam’s straining up to lick at the sweat on Dean’s neck, and then biting down hard to mark Dean, whispering “mine all mine.”

“Yeah Sammy, all yours baby, always.” Dean says in response, shivering at the dark possessive whispers that Sam isn’t stopping. He feels Sam’s motion change when he hears Dean’s words, like a switch has been flipped, just his acknowledging the return possessiveness was all it takes, he can feel the tell-tale signs that he’s never forgotten, that Sam’s about to come.

“Love you Dean. Love you so much.” Sam yells out as he goes over the edge, not regretting it for a second because it’s the truth, and he’s going to keep telling Dean that until he damn well believes him.

Dean hears those words for the second time in two days and he can’t say anything, all he can do is stroke them faster and harder until he joins Sam in that wordless oblivion where he’s not expected to speak.  Floating in that haze he knows that Sam knows he loves him, he said it just yesterday.  Before witnesses even, and Sam knows he meant it for always and for true.

They fall back asleep almost instantly, curled up together in Sam’s small bed.  Sated, marked, and finally back where they’re supposed to be.


A few months later:

In the mornings they now wake up on the third floor, in their four-poster bed wrapped up together just like usual.  Nothing is better than lying there just watching the other finish their sleep and slowly awaken, eyes smiling first then everything else.  Sam will get up first and go running, Dean’s usually got some breakfast cooked by the time he gets back.  They eat in the enormous kitchen, the dining room is too huge to be comfortable for just the two of them.   Three days a week Dean’s got EMT training classes, he’s working towards getting his certificate.  He’d wanted to be a fire-fighter but Sam has vetoed that idea, not wanting to risk him after everything they’ve gone through.

Sam spends his days in their library room on the first floor, managing his antiquarian online book store, specializing mostly in occult texts, but expanding to folklore, fairy-tales, and any fiction that’s related.  He’s steadily working through digitizing all of Bobby’s and the Campbell library, the books that came with Trelawny from Meredith’s occult obsessed father, and the books he was able to save out of the Men of Letter’s bunker. Once they’re digitized and backed-up, it seems silly to hold onto all of the books themselves.  Besides they turn out to be worth a whole lot of money.  There is a surprising market for that type of stuff, either just collectors, occultists, or the occasional hunter.

He also has spent a lot of time getting all of the information on their remaining hunting issues, ghosts, spirits, cursed objects and Fae into a database.  They used to have to struggle and search before, but now it’s just a few strokes of a finger or two and BAM – there it is.  Garth’s always calling or referring people to him for help with hunts.  So Sam pitches in to help the hunters that call, when he and Dean are home and not out on hunts of their own.

They’re both relieved that the stalemate is over, that they’re both flexible enough to move past the sore spots and hurts left behind from their rocky patch.  Sam never mentions Amelia or his dog Riot, and Dean never talks about Benny or what happened in Purgatory. They don’t talk about the more recent terror of almost losing each other through the whole Gate-closing ordeal.  That silence and avoidance works for both of them, for now at least.  Just one more conversation that they’ll never really have outright, but instead tell the tale with their actions, like how Dean will still throw himself bodily in front of Sam when they’re hunting.  So frustrating to Sam, because he’s as least as good at hunting as Dean is, and wants to protect him just as much.  Or how Sam will fall into position behind Dean, just over his left shoulder like they’ve always done, following every move that Dean makes almost before he’s done making it.

They never had a conversation about their declarations before Mohit, but that’s really what’s underlying their reunion.  When they both heard the other say that there was still love between them, it didn’t make sense to stay apart any longer.  And it’s better than it was before, because they lost the thread of them for a while and treasure it even more now that they’re woven back together.


After they’ve got the kitchen figured out and feel a little more moved in they invite Mrs. C, Celeste and Susan to come over for dinner.  Susan drives them all over in the bakery delivery van, and presents them with a pie on the doorstep.  “Well, we’re really glad to see you Susan,” Dean jokes, taking the pie off her hands.  Sam takes coats and hangs them up and brings everyone into the sitting room.

“We’ve got some little things to eat before dinner. Dean’s doing drinks.”

“Who wants what?” Dean asks from behind the bar he’s set up in the corner at one of the higher tables.

“I see you really have moved in,” says Mrs. C, “I’ll take a martini, light on the vermouth, heavy on the olives.”

“White wine if you’ve got some.” Celeste says.

“That sounds good, me too.” Susan adds.

Dean fixes up all the drinks and serves them up proudly from a silver tray he’d found in the china cabinet.  They all try the small snacks and congratulate Sam and Dean on how good the house looks.

“It kind of takes care of itself you know? But we’re having fun figuring out all of this homeowner stuff, never done it before you know?” Sam says looking over at Dean with a smile.

“So, did everything work out between you two?” Mrs. C asks Dean when Sam’s showing Celeste and Susan the rest of the house.

“Yeah, yeah it did actually.” Dean answers, hand going to the back of his neck nervously.

“It’s okay Dean, I don’t care that you’re brothers.  Merry told me your story.”

“Oh, cool.  Uh, I’ve been meaning to ask you, how did she know so much about us anyways?” Dean asks.

“Merry was what some people would call a psychic, but I would say the more accurate term would be a seer, because she could see the future.  Not all the time.  But she had a lot of details on you either from Mohit or because she asked her spirit guides for them.  She said they were never so chatty except when they were talking about those Winchester brothers.”

“You’re brothers?” Celeste asks, standing stock-still in the doorway, sounding shocked and scandalized.

“That a problem for you Celeste?” asks Dean challengingly.  Sam puts a hand on his shoulder to restrain him.

“No, well, I don’t know, I just had thought you were, you know. Married, like you said.” Celeste stumbles over her words haltingly, not sure what to say.

“Celeste, if you’re not comfortable we’ll understand if you want to leave.” Sam offers.

“Sam, that’s not what I meant, I was just surprised.” Celeste protests.

Susan adds, “Sure not what I expected since you introduced yourselves as a married couple.”

“Well to be clear, we are a couple, but we’re not married because of the brother thing.” Dean says, steel strength in his voice.

“We’re sorry we had to tell you a lie like that when we first met, we were just trying to save more people from disappearing at the house.” Sam says, trying to gauge how Susan and Celeste are really reacting.

“Susan and Celeste, there is something you should know about Sam and Dean, Meredith foresaw them coming to town and saving future couples from disappearing, she also saw what they’d survived and done in the past, which includes literally saving the world a couple of times if I’m not mistaken.  They’re not your average pair of brothers, their love is somewhat of a legend in the spirit world.  It is indeed a big part of the reason she gave them her house.” Mrs. C says.

“Well if Meredith and you knew that and still like ‘em, then they’re okay by me.” Declares Susan.

“Me too, Meredith was the best judge of character I ever met in my life.” Celeste agrees.

“Thanks ladies, that means a lot to us.  Not many people know that about us.” Dean says, happy that they’ve got a few people on their side now.  Sam smiles tentatively at them all and doesn’t say anything. Dean pulls him in close and whispers, “See, it’s all cool dude.” Sam squeezes him back and manages a bigger smile, but Dean can tell he’s still thinking about the whole near-miss.


They’re happy to finally hear from Castiel again, after Heaven’s Gate was closed it wasn’t clear where he had ended up.  It turns out that Castiel became mostly human when Heaven was closed, and he had left them on their own for a while to “find himself and his purpose”.  Dean teases him about finding his “special purpose”, and then has to try and explain the old Steve Martin movie ‘The Jerk’ to the former angel.

“But why would he buy her a thermos Dean, is there some special significance to that particular item?” Castiel asks, completely confused as usual at Dean’s pop culture references.

After that first contact, Castiel calls them every month or so, or sends them strange postcards from around the world that they put up on the fridge with magnets Dean’s made out of old bullet casings.

“What, a guy can’t have some hobbies?  I like melting metal, you gotta problem with that, go summon Bobby’s ghost and have it out with him, he’s the one that got me started on it.”

It’s strange that someone else is doing the traveling now, but honestly, neither of them really miss it all that much.  Even though they lived most of their life out on the road, both of them had always longed to have a place to just stop for a while.  Put all of it down and rest. They’d gotten a taste of that with the Bat Cave as Dean had liked to call it, but it wasn’t really ever theirs.  And now it’s gone thanks to the intervention of Heaven.

Over the next few months, they still take road trips of course, Dean insists that his baby needs at least a few hundred miles put on her a month otherwise she’ll give up on him.  Sam finds them hauntings and minor faerie folk to investigate and take care of.  That’s pretty much all that’s left out there with Hell, Heaven and Purgatory closed off.  But they’re okay with it, they don’t miss dealing with demons or all the monsters, and they surely don’t miss the angels who could never be counted on to have humankind’s best interest in mind.

Eventually Castiel shows back up in person, this time with Meg in tow which surprises Sam and Dean as they had assumed that Crowley had really killed her.  He did, but Castiel was able to intervene, using some of the power of the angel tablet he’d stashed inside himself. The two of them have been traveling together for a few months and seem pretty happy to be back together.

As they all stand on their front porch chatting, Dean realizes that he’ll have to let them both into what is now their home, and he bristles automatically at the thought of inviting a demon in. Dean is about to object, put his foot down, but Sam holds him back.

Castiel sees this interaction and reads it correctly for once, “Sam and Dean, I know that we should not assume that Meg is welcome here. But I hope you would do me the favor of listening to her.” Cas says, and nods at Meg.

Meg clears her throat a little nervously and looks at both Sam and Dean in turn, “Listen, I know that I can’t just apologize for everything I did to you before, and you wouldn’t believe me anyways. I wouldn’t ever expect to assume you’d forgive me.  But I know you from the inside out Sam, and I saw first-hand just how big your heart is.  And I think you both saw how I changed once I had Cas to look out for.  Just give me another chance. It’d mean a lot to him to still get to see you two jokers.”

Dean scowls and shakes his head no, Sam looks like he’s at least considering her words.

Cas interrupts their non-answers, “She makes me very happy.  And I will no longer come visit you unless she can accompany me.”

Sam pulls Dean away from the porch back into the house and holds up a hand indicating they’ll be right back.  “Dean, I know you don’t want to lose seeing our friend over this.  I, think she turned around at the end, we saw her give her life to save him.”

“I know, I know.  It’s just . . . doesn’t feel right, trusting a demon enough to come into our house, especially one that killed so many of our friends.” Dean says with real hesitation.

“I get it, I do, believe me, just her reminding me that she possessed me is freaking me out a little here.  But c’mon, losing Cas over having her around isn’t worth it.”

Dean thinks for a minute, searching Sam’s face wordlessly, finally he nods and walks back out onto the porch.

“Alright, we can’t forgive what you did to our friends, and to Sam. But you did help us, and Cas here.  So just don’t expect us to be happy about it.”

“It will take getting used to, but please, both of you, come in.” Sam offers, ushering them into the house.

“Fair enough, I can live with that.” Meg says, crossing the threshold and looking around the entry way.

“Thank you, I did not like having to present an ultimatum, but I had no other choice.” Cas says, following Meg into the house.

Meg is pretty much the last demon left on Earth.  She doesn’t have her full powers, just like Cas doesn’t have his. They have to actually drive places in their little red Prius, no more zapping here and there.  Dean gives them no end of shit for driving that particular car. It turns out that she’s stuck in her meat suit, just like Cas is stuck in his vessel.  Poor Jimmy Novak, he’d had no real idea what he’d signed up for when he was desperate to save his daughter, but there’s nothing Cas can do about that now.  He says that when he looks inside himself he can only see an echo of Jimmy, it’s as if he’s been burned away after hosting an angel for so long.  Cas feels badly about it, and says it’s just one more thing he’s stuck here atoning for.  Being freed from the angel Naomi’s control put everything in perspective for him finally.  Being brought back to life again and again had to be a message from God that he needed to stay here and learn something new before he can move on.

“Just like Buddha huh Cas?” teases Sam.

“Yes, exactly.  From what I know of Buddha’s teachings, that’s what I’m meant to work on.”

“You want to borrow some books about it Cas? I’ve got quite a few you won’t find in the regular bookstore or library.” Offers Sam.

“Yes Sam that would be quite helpful.”

No one knows if Cas and Meg can ever die or not, they don’t seem to be aging at all, not like Sam and Dean as Meg so nicely points out.  She’s pretty happy (for a demon), no Crowley to worry about, the only cause to serve is having fun exploring the world with Cas.  Both brothers can see that the two of them make a good team, and are happy to see their friend so happy. Luckily Meg quickly gets over her glee at teasing the brothers for their renewed relationship. She claims that she always figured they’d gone there based on what she saw inside Sam. They claim one of the second floor corner bedrooms to use when they come visit.  The things they decorate the room with crack Sam and Dean up, but apparently you can’t teach decorating sense or taste to a former angel and demon.

Whenever Cas and Meg around, the house feels different, so small and confining, almost like they’re back in the motel rooms they grew up in, hearing other’s voices close, the creaking of other beds in the night, the extra footsteps and plumbing noises.  But it’s never for long, they’ve not overstayed their welcome yet. Thankfully.  They’re both still full of a wanderlust that Sam and Dean sometimes wish they still had.  But not really. Not when they have a home like Trelawny.


Kevin’s another matter, after the whole tablet interpreting thing where he almost killed himself trying to get it all done before anyone found him, he needed time to recuperate and figure out what sort of life a young Prophet of the Lord could make for himself.  He first tried going back to live with his mom of course. She was so thrilled that he’d gotten rid of the demons and come out of the whole thing alive and whole.  But it didn’t work, being with his mom, she was too much, too in his face, falling back into telling him how to manage every part of his life and after what he’d accomplished, pretty much on his own. Well, it just didn’t sit right with him.  He wanted to be respectful of course, she’d given up so much for him to be safe, but there wasn’t a good way for them to live together.

Kevin was talking about his whole complicated situation to Sam on the phone one day, they’d recently moved back to their old town, and he was trying to work up the enthusiasm to sign up for community college.  Sam interrupted his complaining and said “Kevin, we’d love to see you, come visit us.  Give your mom a break for a while. We’ve got so much room in this place, it’s ridiculous, and Dean’s learned to cook.”

Kevin’s taken aback for a second, not expecting such a generous or unexpected offer, “Uh, really? Stay with you guys all the way up there in Vermont?”

“Yeah, seriously, get your ass up here.  It’s spring and the snow’s pretty much gone.”

“Alright, I guess I could take a bus up there or something.”

“Yeah, that’d work.  The Greyhound terminal in Stowe isn’t too far from our town, give us a heads up and we’ll come pick you up from the station.”

Sam briefly considers that Kevin may or may not approve of his and Dean’s relationship, but he figures it’s worth a shot, them trying to be honest with the few remaining people beyond the townspeople, who actually know them in the world is something they ought to at least try.  Hopefully Dean won’t have a problem with it he thinks to himself, but maybe I should have asked him first.

“Shit Sam! You should have asked me first!” Dean hollers as he knocks over the almost full beer he was drinking at the kitchen table.

Sam throws him a towel to clean up with, “I’m sorry, it just kind of blurted out of me before I thought it through.  Don’t you want to see him though?”

“Of course I do, but how are we going to explain everything?  What, are you going to move into another bedroom while he’s here and we just pretend we’re not together or something?” Dean yells.

Sam bitchfaces at the thought “Why would I be the one moving into a different room? And how about we’re just honest with him? Ever thought of that? Or are you too ashamed of us to even try?” Sam yells in return.

“No! Of course not, it’s just…I’m…well I don’t want him to hurt you.  How are you going to deal if one of our only friends is too disgusted to even call us a friend anymore?” Dean answers more quietly.

“Thanks for looking out for my feelings, but I’m pretty sure that Kevin wouldn’t do that. Besides Cas and Meg and the people we know in town are fine with it.” Sam asserts.

“Seems like a big risk is all.”

“Dean we’ve got to put ourselves out there at some point.  We only know a few people in this world, who really know our story. I can pretty much count them on one hand at this point.  And I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling the need to be truthful with the people we still call friends.  Have you ever considered they might be happy for us?”

Dean’s struck silent by that, because no, of course he’d never thought of that.  Thanks to Mrs. C, Celeste and Susan were totally cool with it.  Cas and Meg had teased them mercilessly about getting back together, but then they’d stopped and seemed kind of chill about it all.  And maybe there had been that conversation with Cas about how he was glad to see Dean and Sam happy at last, that they’d deserved it after everything they’d done for the world and that soul mates were supposed to be together, blah, blah, blah.  He’d blown that off of course as being a general glad you’re happy kind of thing, but Cas always was hard to understand, and he always did see the deeper meanings behind everything.

“You’re right Sammy, I hadn’t thought about it enough. I’m in.”

“Good.” Sam says,


Masterpost ~ Chapter 6