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The Wanting Comes In Waves

All Sam/Dean, All The Time

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Fic: 8 Conversations That Never Happened (But really really should have) - Season 3 (Sam/Dean, G)

Title: 8 Conversations That Never Happened, (But really really should have) ~ Season 3
Author: smalltrolven
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Word Count: 1,100
Rating: G
Author’s Note: Not my characters, only my words. Written for 8 days of Wincest. Set after 3.10 “Dream A Little Dream of Me”
Also over on AO3 right here .
He’s awake, he thinks he’s awake, he hopes he is because this was supposed to be over.

“Dean! C’mon, wake up.” Sam’s holding him tight and yelling into his face, they’re sitting up with the sheets wrapped around their legs like binding seaweed, the light from the bedside lamp burning into his tired eyes.

“Yeah, ‘m awake. What’s up?” Dean says in a sleepy mumble even though his heart is thudding at a gallop in his chest.

“You were having a nightmare dude.” Sam says, stroking Dean’s hair in what he hopes is a soothing way.

“Oh. Uh. Sorry I woke you.” Dean shakes his head a little so Sam will stop with the hair petting.

“’s okay, you were just out of it for a while. What were you dreaming about?”

“Nothin’, can’t really remember.” Dean looks over Sam’s shoulder at the digital clock, 3am, oh joy.

“You were saying something over and over again, sounded like ‘I’m not going to be like you.’”

“Oh.” Dean says in the quietest voice that’s not quite a whisper, sounding like a lost little kid at the grocery store.

“You do remember. C’mon tell me, otherwise you know you won’t be able to sleep.” Sam commands.
Dean sighs and flops back down onto the bed staring at the ceiling, “I was dreaming about what I saw when we took the dream root.”

“You said you didn’t see anything when we were separated.” Sam says, looking down at him with concern.
Dean puts his hands over his eyes, and rubs at them, “Didn’t want to talk about it.”

“So what was it?” Sam asks.

Dean closes his eyes and sighs, “Me. Demon me.”

“What do you mean Demon you?” Sam asks.

“What I’m going to turn into, when I go to Hell.” Dean leaves out why he believes this to be true, he hasn’t told Sam about the conversation he had with Ruby, and he’s damn well not planning on it, Sam’s got enough to worry about as it is already.

“You’re not going, I told you that last night, I’ll find a way.” Sam leaves out the conversation he had with Ruby about how she can maybe help him stop Dean from going to Hell. Dean’s got enough to worry about as it is already.

“Yeah Sammy, okay.” Dean says, trying to sound like he believes him.

“No, listen to me Dean, you are not going to Hell, I won’t let you.” Sam insists.

“Got it. Not going. Can we get some more sleep?” Dean asks, pleading for a little relief from the 3am inquisition.

“What did demon you look like?” Sam asks, knowing that he’s being a real pest in the middle of the night, but he can tell this important enough to insist.

Dean sighs, and turns over on his side facing away from Sam, “Same as I do, except with black eyes.”

“Whoa, no wonder you’re having nightmares. What did it say?” Sam asks, dreading the answer.

“Lot of stuff about Dad and you, and how I’m worthless, not my own person.”

“So basically all the worst stuff you think about yourself. That really is a nightmare.” Sam says, lying down behind Dean but not touching him.

“Yeah, pretty much.” Dean agrees.

“You know it’s not true right?” Sam asks, putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“Sure, whatever, g’night.” Dean manages to shrug even though he’s lying down.

“I wish I’d been in there with you, woulda kicked his ass for talking to you like that.”

“Oh really?” Dean asks with a small laugh.

“Yeah, I don’t like it when I hear anyone talk you down, especially you or something that looks like you.”

“When has that ever happened?” Dean scoffs.

“The shape shifter, he was wearing you and saying stuff I didn’t like, got me so mad, that’s how I beat him in that fight.” Sam explains.

“Wow okay tough guy.”

“Hey, it’s about you.  I protect what’s mine.” Sam squeezes him tightly, body blanketing Dean’s back completely, one arm over
Dean’s waist, Sam’s hand on the center of his chest.

Dean gets real quiet and still for a while, Sam is almost convinced that he’s fallen back asleep when suddenly Dean moves his hand to hold onto Sam’s on his chest and asks in a quiet voice, “Sam remember right before yellow eyes grabbed you, we were talking and you said that you were glad you had a couple happy years with me?”

Sam rubs small comforting circles into Dean’s chest where he’s holding him tight, “Yeah, I do, I thought about that conversation a lot while I was stuck in Cold Oak. And how you’d kissed me.”

“I want to know if that’s still true. Or did I screw that up by doing what I did?” Dean asks.

Sam sighs when he hears the sadness and fear in his brother’s voice, he pulls at Dean until he turns on his side to face him and finally gets to look into his eyes, “No Dean, you did not screw it up. Even though it’s been crazy the last few months, I still wouldn’t want to be anywhere else or with anyone else.”

“Oh, uh, that’s good.” Dean says, sounding so relieved Sam’s heart feels like it’s breaking into a thousand Dean-shaped pieces.

Sam takes a deep breath and finally says what he’s been holding back for months now, “I don’t know if I ever said this, but thank you, for what you did. And if it means anything, I get it now, I know I would have done the exact same thing.”

“Really? You would have?” Dean asks, truly surprised at Sam’s words.

“That right there, you having to even ask that question is why this nightmare bugged you so much tonight. Yes of course I would have you idiot. What? You think I don’t feel the same way about living without you?” Sam examines Dean’s face to catalogue his reaction to that question, because if Dean doesn’t understand that he feels the same damn way about him, then there’s a real problem.

“You seemed to do okay at Stanford.” Dean counters.

Sam blows out an exasperated breath that ruffles the top of Dean’s hair, “Yeah, I did, but that’s because I knew you were still out there in the world somewhere, avoiding me maybe, but I still knew you were alive. I don’t think I’d make it very long without you, I hope I never have the chance to find out.”

“Me too.” Dean says with a truckload of stored-up emotion that makes his voice shake.  He clears his throat, “We need to get to sleep. We’ve got a long drive to Broward County tomorrow.”

Sam leans back to turn off the light, then pulls him back closer into the circle of his arms so that Dean will feel safe the rest of the night, and murmurs into Dean’s hair, “Oh boy, Florida here we come, again.”


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Hair petting. Dean-shaped pieces. So lovely.


Thanks very much! Yes hair-petting, never enough of that.

Oh, so bittersweet! And right before Broward County, too, which made my heart clench even more.

Love that you referred back to the earlier Conversation here, I really like how you're tying it all together.

Ooh thanks for noticing that I'm trying to tie all these conversations together. And yes, right before Mystery Spot, makes it that much more bittersweet. Thanks.

Oh Sammy was so sure he could save Dean.. m :)

He really was, right up til the very end. And Dean wanted to believe it so badly. sniff sniff.

Reading all this fic, knowing what's to come, it really adds to the heartbreak...oh, boys...

It really does make it worse when we know the outcome of all these angst-filled moments as they go from season to season. Definitely joining with you in a chorus of "oh boys".

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