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The Wanting Comes In Waves

All Sam/Dean, All The Time

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Fic: I Keep Asking

Happy Valentine's Day!

Fic Title: I Keep Asking

Author: smalltrolven

Genre: Sam/Dean, H/C

Rating: PG

Word Count: 2,600

Summary:  Dean gets sick from eating too much candy along with too much whisky.  Sam’s taking care of him.  Dean inadvertently confesses he feels badly that Sam’s refused his three attempts at asking him to be his Valentine.  Yeah the last one may have been asked while he was delirious, but still.  Three times he’s asked, and three times Sam’s said no.

Warnings: Set in Season 7, but no big spoilers really.

Author Disclaimer:  I own nothing but these words.

Author Note:  Written for the Hoodie_Time Love Post

Read it here at AO3

It’s been a really long day, he’s only been out of the motel room once for supplies and Sam’s about ready to just give up and crash, but he’s got to get Dean squared away in bed first.  It’s his turn to be the caregiver for once and he has a few more things to do to finish the job, like get his brother out of the bathroom if he’s finally done in there. 

“Saaaammm” Dean groans weakly from the bathroom.  Sam’s just glad the door is closed, blocking most of the smell.  He makes a mental note to put air freshener on their list of supplies that they should always have with them.  “You okay in there Dean?”  He hears a little crashing around, sounds of the sink going, the toilet flushing for what must be the millionth time today.  The door creaks open and a grey-faced Dean is white-knuckling holding onto the door. 

Sam pulls him in gently, supporting him without even asking permission on the way over to the bed.  Dean doesn’t resist, he’s so out of it and feeling so weak there’s no point.  “Here you go, got the sheets all straightened out for you, and here’s some more Gatorade to drink before you pass out again.

“Thanks Sammy, you always take such good care of me.”  Dean drinks the mug of Gatorade gratefully and lies down on his side facing Sam who sits next to him, putting a comforting hand on his back.

“I learned from the best.  And besides you deserve it.”  Sam leans over and kisses Dean’s forehead softly, pushing the sweaty hair out of the way.  Dean smiles wanly up at him, “Wish I could kiss you back.”

“You can.”

“Really? Even though I might be contag-erk” Dean’s surprised question is cut off by Sam’s lips sealing over his and taking his mouth in a full-on passionate kiss.  It’s just what he’s been wanting all day, so he meets Sam’s passion and sucks on his tongue because that always gets Sam going.  They pull apart panting from the sudden lust sparking up between them.  Just as Sam moves to start palming at Dean’s tenting boxers they hear another of those horrible stomach gurgles.  “Guess I’m not done quite yet.  Sorry to get you going man.”

“Dean, I can’t believe you got so sick just from all that candy you were eating last night, I’ve never seen anyone eat scarf that many candy hearts all at once, along with the whole box of chocolates and all the whisky.”

“Guess I overdid it.  I meant to give those to you today too.  I’m sorry for screwing up Valentine’s Day.”

“Dean, it’s no big deal, just a Hallmark holiday. I just want you to feel better okay?”

“I just feel bad that we didn’t get to celebrate it like we should have.”

“What did you have some romantic plans, since this would be our first one together?”

“Yeah, I kinda did.”

Oh god, how sweet is that, Sam can’t help but get a little flutter in his stomach at the idea of Dean wanting to celebrate the holiday in some romantic way.  His brother never admits to this stuff, but when he does it, he’s a bigger romantic than anyone would ever guess.  One of those new things he’s learning about his brother now since everything changed between them, “Dean, just the idea of you making plans like that is a good enough Valentine’s Day for me, really.  Don’t stress about it, just get some rest.”

He smiles down at his sick brother as he starts nodding off, relaxing into the pillows, but Dean keeps talking more and more quietly as he’s drifting off, “Really wanted to ask you again, Sam. Why Sammy?  Why do you keep saying no? You just don’t like me anymore or something?”

Sam doesn’t really want to wake him up, but he doesn’t want him going to sleep thinking that Sam doesn’t like him or whatever the hell he’s mumbling about.  Who knows what Dean’s unconscious mind would turn that into?  “Of course I like you Dean. What kind of question is that? What are you talking about? You’re not delirious again are you?” Sam’s getting a little worried as Dean keeps rambling on like this, he keeps rubbing Dean’s back slowly in comforting circles.

Dean mumbles again, most of the way asleep or delirious, who knows, “Wanted to ask you to be my Valentine again, tried three times already, but you always say no.”

“Oh Dean, what are you talking about, of course I do, I would say yes of course I would.”

Grumble grumble “Not what I meant at all.”

“What did you mean?  If you’ve tried three times and I haven’t understood it, would you mind just coming out with it already?” Sam asks a little too loudly and sees Dean snap out of his halfway slumber.  He instantly feels bad that Dean’s awake again, because he needs the rest probably more than Sam needs to figure out what the sudden obsession with Valentine’s Day means.

“You’re asking me this when I’m in this condition?”  Dean wakes up enough to gesture at the recently emptied trash can which is still somehow smelling up the whole room, the empty Gatorade bottles on the nightstand and himself, sweaty and pale.

“Yeah I am, only time you’ll sit still long enough and answer stuff like this.  Humor me or I won’t get you anymore Gatorade.”

“Course you will.”

“Yeah you’re right I will, that was a bad threat.  Just, c’mon, enough stalling already.”

“What do you want me to say again?”  Dean looks up at Sam, trying to look even more bleary and unfocused than he really feels, hoping he can still get out of saying this stuff out loud (Again).

“Tell me about the three times you’ve asked me to be your Valentine Dean.”

“Aren’t you supposed to tell me a story if you’re taking care of me?” Dean can’t help but whine just a little, he’s feeling bad okay? Cut him some slack already.

“God you whiner, just spill, I promise to listen and not laugh or anything.”

“Fine, but do we have any of that tea you made me last time I had something like this?”

“What the chamomile?  I thought you hated that.”

“Well, it sure ain’t coffee, but it did make me feel a little better.”

“Wish I’d known that earlier, I guess I just remember all the bitching.  Alright, let me start the water.  Then you start talking.”  Sam quickly gets the hot water kettle going and digs the tea out of the food bag.  He’s back on the bed right up against Dean’s back and waits patiently for a couple minutes.  Finally he gives up, rolling his eyes and shoving his brother, “I have to prompt you to get you started?  Dean, when was the first time you asked me to be your Valentine and I said no?”

Dean takes a deep breath, hoping to settle his system enough to get through this without having to run for the bathroom again, and hoping even more that Sam doesn’t give him a whole load of shit for being sappy about this Valentine’s Day stuff.  He doesn’t know what it is about Valentine’s Day, but he’s always wanted to have someone in his life to ask, and for that someone to say yes.  So he’s being stubborn and maybe stupid about it, but its Sam, and who else is going to put up with his shit right?  “It was when we were dealing with that cupid, cherub dude, and we were looking at the hearts in the morgue, the ones with the angel writing on them.  I handed you a heart and said “Be my Valentine?”  and you just rolled your eyes at me and bitchfaced.”

Sam has to go back through a whole lot of memories, the regular kind, the soul-less kind and the Hell kind and eventually he gets there, and his stomach falls, feeling bad instantly, recalling how tenuous everything was between them back then, how it seemed like if he made one wrong move they’d blow apart completely, “I remember that, but we were in the middle of a case, and  I just didn’t think you’d be asking me something like that right then I guess.  I’m sorry I didn’t take you seriously.  I would have said yes.”

Dean turns onto his back and looks up at him with a kind of openly wondering soft face that Sam has hardly ever seen before, his brother with all his walls and defenses is really something to behold when those are gone, “You would have, even back then?”

Sam can’t help himself, he moves down to lie beside his brother so they’re facing each other and puts his hand on his cheek, thumbing gently back and forth on the cheekbone, meeting his eyes so that Dean can see that he means what he’s saying,  “Yes Dean, even back then.  How about the second time?”

When Dean sees the look on his brother’s face he has to take a deep breath, the feeling in his stomach isn’t that queasy sick feeling anymore, it’s something else, something like that awesome swoop you feel on a roller coaster, he only ever feels it when he thinks about him and Sam and what they mean to each other, he can tell that Sam wants to hear the rest and he kind of wants to see what he’ll say, “The second time I asked you to be my Valentine was when we were looking into that possessed  mannequin and I tossed you the body model heart.  You did the same thing as the first time and I think you told me to cut it out because we were working.”

“Damn, I did that a second time?  Well, again, we were working, but I still really wish I’d listened to you and said yes.  I’m sorry I did that, maybe all this would have happened that much sooner.  And Dean, I’m sorry because it must have hurt your feelings.”  Sam had no idea that this Valentine’s thing meant so much to Dean, and now that he does, he feels about two inches tall.  How was he supposed to know that his tough, seemingly emotionally-stunted brother would be completely messed-up about Valentine’s Day of all things?

“Quit it already or I’m shutting up.” Dean turns onto his back abruptly and crosses his arms over his chest.

“Quit what?” Sam raises himself up on his elbow looking down at his brother’s now pouting face.

“Saying you’re sorry, doesn’t change anything.”  Dean just looks up at him, quickly losing his full-on pout as he sees the trueness of the regret in his brother’s eyes.

“You’re right.  But doesn’t knowing that I would have said yes both times help you know how much I’ve been wanting this?  You and me.  For a long time, just like I told you.  I know you’ve been questioning that, so now you know. And anyways I’m a complete idiot for not saying yes both of those times.”  Sam lies back down as soon as he sees the acceptance of his apology on Dean’s face, puts his hand over Dean’s heart in the usual spot, feeling that steady beat that he dreamed of in the Cage.

“I guess it helps a little, but I don’t want to think about the past today and yes you are an idiot.  Are we done?”  Dean hopes they’re done, because he is about to crash from exhaustion, who knew excess candy plus a hangover could make someone this sick?

“Thought you said you’d asked three times.”  Sam’s not giving this up until he hears the whole thing, because knowing Dean like he does, he’s pretty sure the most important part of all this has of course been left out, and gone unsaid.

“Well, I just did again today, but you might not have been here really, I was pretty out of it when I was busy getting sick.”  Dean shrugs his shoulders like it’s no big deal, but pretty sure he doesn’t like being pushed like this when he’s still feeling so crappy.

“Hey Dean, can you do something for me?”  Sam turns on his side towards his brother, sliding his hand up to his shoulder to make him do the same, so they’re facing each other once again, this time with their feet tangled together under the blankets.

“Sure Sam, not sure I’m up for much, but I’ll try.”  Dean sighs when he sees the hopeful expectant look on Sam’s face, damn he’s beautiful when he’s lit up like this, sometimes it just hits him so hard.  His brother, his lover, his partner, his whatever the hell you call someone who holds all of your heart is the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. 

“Can you ask me again?”  Sam asks with so much shyness and hesitation it almost breaks Dean’s heart.  Like he’d ever be able to stop asking him!  Jesus doesn’t Sam get it by now?

Dean smiles and then gets this serious look on his face, holds both of Sam’s hands firmly in his.  “Sammy, would you be my Valentine?”

With a matching look of seriousness on his own face Sam and a smile showing in his eyes he answers, “Yes of course I will.  Dean will you be mine?”

A big sigh of relief escapes Dean at Sam’s answer and question, so they are on the same page here, he’d thought so, but he never knows these days with Sam’s mind going in and out so randomly, he smiles with all his power even though he still feels slightly nauseous from a day of being sick, “Yes I will.  Always have been.”

“Good, I know.  Now that’s settled will you please get some rest?” Sam pulls his hands out of his brother’s tight grasp and pushes him back over onto the side he usually sleeps on.  The tea long forgotten by both of them at this point.

“You’re the one keeping me up talking.” Dean grumbles, not enjoying the manhandling as much as he usually does.

“Yeah, yeah, bitch bitch bitch, just c’mon, let me hold you just ‘til you fall asleep.”  Sam arranges them so that he’s got Dean snugged up against him, big spoon to little spoon fitting just right, like always.

“Oh god, now with the cuddling, you’re taking advantage of me just ‘cause I’m sick.  This is not cool Sam.”  Dean’s half-hearted protest is expected, but still silly, because Sam can see through it, he knows how much Dean loves being held, maybe as much as Sam loves holding him.

“Whatever, you love it jerk.” Sam hits him in the shoulder and squeezes Dean in even tighter, loving the feel of his brother’s strong body cradled against his own.

“Love you bitch.” Dean holds onto Sam’s hand that rests on his waist and squeezes.

“Love you too.  Glad you asked me a fourth time.” Sam whispers into Dean’s ear, making him shiver.

“Me too.” Dean whispers back, as he’s falling asleep in his fairly new favorite place in the whole world.  Maybe it wasn’t the Valentine’s Day he’d planned, but he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget it.


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Yay, glad to hear it! Thank you very much.

Thanks, I was going for adorable. Just thought they needed something sweet in the middle of all the depressing stuff in season 7 so far.

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