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smalltrolven

The Wanting Comes In Waves

All Sam/Dean, All The Time


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smalltrolven

Fic: Within Without

Fic Title:  Within Without 

Author: smalltrolven

Pairing: Sam/Dean, established relationship

Rating:  NC-17

Characters:  Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester

Word Count: 7,200

Synopsis:  Set right after 7.15 “Repo Men”, Dean comes up with an alternative to Sam’s hand scar to keep Lucifer away, which involves something quite permanent that he hopes will change everything.

Author Disclaimer:  I own nothing but these little ol’ words.

Link on AO3

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Dean hears it before his eyes have opened, an almost silent rhythmic whimpering, he reaches under his pillow for his knife that isn’t there.  His eyes shoot open and he looks to the right checking to see if his brother is awake too.  And he’s not in the bed.  Sitting up he sees Sam’s laptop bag on the table under the window, only lit by neon from outside, no lights are on in the room.  The noise continues and he tracks it back down to the space between Sam’s bed and the wall.  He crawls over the bed slowly, feeling underprepared and wishing he hadn’t fallen asleep so suddenly and had put the usual knife under his pillow.

And then he sees what’s making the sound, it’s Sam, crouched up into an impossibly small space, hugging his knees in tight to his chest, head buried between his arms.  The sound goes on and on, the rhythm not ever stopping and now that he’s closer he can hear that its words that Sam’s repeating.  The unceasing mumbled moaning chant is comprised of three words.  Dean. Help. Please.  His first instinct is to touch Sam’s shoulder, as his hand makes contact it’s as if Sam’s been hit with a jolt of electricity, his body contracts, seizing up on itself and then he expands, limbs bursting apart into a sprawl, leaping to his feet.  And the chanting has stopped; now he’s just hearing short, fast, panicky breaths as Sam looks wildly around the room, his eyes never stopping for more than a split second.  Dean kneels on the bed and reaches out towards Sam with both hands this time, coming down firmly on his shoulders.  “Sam, hey Sam, you with me?”

There’s no answer, but Sam’s eyes stop darting around and focus on Dean’s eyes.   Sam’s face looks unreal lit sideways by the red and blue neon coming in the through the crack in the curtain.  Haggard, drawn, broken and beyond sad.  Dean runs one hand up Sam’s neck and onto his cheek, “Sammy, talk to me, c’mon, say something please.”

Sam closes his eyes and leans into Dean’s hand, taking in one deeper breath than all the short panicky ones, it seems like he’s trying to calm himself down.  He slowly opens his eyes and looks at Dean, grabs the wrist of the hand that Dean still has on his face. “Not working.” He croaks out.

“What’s not working?”

“My scar, not working anymore.”

“What, you mean the hallucinations aren’t going away?”

“No, he won’t leave me alone.”

“Who, Lucifer?’’

“Yeah I’m stuck with him.”

“We’ll find something else that’ll work.”

“Dean he wants me to…”

“Wants you to what?”

“Wants me to kill myself. Says then we can be together again. Back in the Cage.  Says he misses me.”

“Sammy, that’s not happening. No way.”

“I know Dean, I won’t, I’m trying not to. It’s hard though, he keeps…”

“What Sam, what’s he doing to you?”

“Keeps showing me stuff, to try and make me give up and do what he’s saying.”

“What’s he showing you Sammy?”

“You.  He’s showing me you dead.  Again.  Over and over. Gets worse every time.  Worse than Florida, can’t take it, seeing you die, can’t do it anymore.”

“Sam, I’m here, I’m right here, I’m not dead.”  He takes Sam’s hands and holds them tight up to his chest, pulling him close.  “Not going anywhere, I’m right here.”

“I know, I just keep losing track, he just won’t stop.”

“Pressing on your scar worked before right? To make him go away?”

“Yeah, only thing that worked.”

“Why did it stop working?”

“I had to let him in, had to let him help me find you before Jeffrey could….”

“You were working a case with Lucifer huh?”

“Yeah, he was actually pretty helpful.”

“Huh.  Well, tell him from me he’s fired.  I’m the only partner you need, right?”

“Yeah Dean, the only one I need.”

“Sammy, we need something new then, something to remind you that you’re with me, here in the real world, not stuck with Lucifer in the Cage.”

“Only thing that worked was the memory of the pain of that scar.”

“So what I gotta hurt you or something? I’m not doing that Sam.”

“No, I know that, I wouldn’t ask you to do that Dean.  Anyways, I don’t think that’ll work anymore.  Gotta be something different.”

“How about a tattoo?”

“That might work, since it would be new, something I didn’t have when I went into the Cage. Any suggestions as to what and where?”

“I say we get matching ones again.  That way you’ll be able to see the tattoo on me too.  You’ll know that I’m the real Dean.”

“Really you’d do that for me?”

“Sam, really, you have to ask at this point?”

“I know, it’s just…”

“Just what?”

“Don’t know why you put up with this all the time.”

“All this what?”

“All of my buckets of crazy.  I wonder why you don’t just put me away somewhere.”

“Sammy, goddamn, how am I supposed to answer that?  Of course I put up with you bitch, you’re my brother! What you want me to just abandon you in some mental hospital?  I thought the whole point of all this was for us to be together.”

“Jerk.”

“There’s your tattoo.”

“What you want me to tattoo the word ‘jerk’ on myself somewhere?”

“No you get ‘bitch’ on you, I’ll get ‘jerk’ on me.”
“Dean, are you serious?”

Dean can’t remember ever being so serious about anything, not in a long long time.  The idea of the names they’ve always called each other being permanently marked on their skin is so, well, so intimate.  “We’ll disguise it in a font or drawing somehow so only we know there are words and what they say.”

Sam’s eyes get suspiciously full of excess wetness; Dean doesn’t want to acknowledge them as tears.  Too much emotion in all this already.  But that’s why it will work; it’s got to he thinks to himself, because otherwise what else can he really do for Sam?

“Dean that’s just, yeah, let’s do it.  Can they be bracelets, around our wrists?”

“Sure, that’s a good idea, that’ll be easy for you to see, when you need to.  How about you draw mine, I’ll draw yours?  Rainy day art project, just like we used to do when you’d get bored, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah I do. ‘kay, thanks.”

“Thanks for what?”

“For coming up with the tattoo idea and for the rainy day art projects when I was little, you always know how to take care of me.”

“You’re welcome, just doing my job.”

“That’s how you think of it, taking care of me is your job?”

“Yeah, part of it, but it’s also something I wanna do. Just ‘cause.”

“Because why?” Sam asks, teasing just a little.

“You know why.” Dean huffs, not wanting to say more than the bare minimum he can get away with.

“Yeah, I do.  Just making sure.  Me too.”  Sam smiles, happy knowing that letting Dean off the hook is such an easy thing to do to make his brother happier.

“So you alright now?  Lucifer gone, leaving you alone?”  Dean asks, wondering if tonight’s episode is over with or not.

“For the moment I guess, Dean, would you mind if I?” Sam gestures at Dean’s bed, indicating that he wants to sleep with him the rest of tonight.

“C’mon let’s get some rest Sasquatch.”  They don’t always sleep in the same bed these days, if Dean’s passed out drunk, Sam usually doesn’t want to because of the snoring, and if Sam is having active nightmares and kicking and flailing Dean will start out the night trying, but will give up and move to the other bed.  And still it’s the best it’s ever been between them, that they know that they can sleep together if they want to, or not without any hurt feelings.  It’s been a while coming to this point and they’re both glad that everything is settled enough that they don’t have to fuss and fight about the basics any longer.

They arrange themselves into their usual sleeping positions; Dean wrapped around Sam’s back, knees nestled in behind his knees, Dean’s nose pressed in between Sam’s shoulder blades, his hand resting just above Sam’s bellybutton.  Tucked together so tightly, breathing slowing in sync until soon they’re both back sound asleep. 

Drawing each other’s tattoos takes up most of the next day, Sam getting into researching arcane symbols online to incorporate into the design he’s making for Dean.  Which makes Dean feel badly that he hadn’t thought of it, so he goes back and redoes his design with some of the same symbols.   They both come up with pretty similar designs, so they’re not exactly matching, but close.  Sam uses some of the scrollwork designs from the side of the Colt; Dean uses some of the doodles their Dad drew in his journal that he’s seen Sam repeat on his own writings.  There are leaves and branches and some star constellations surrounding and obscuring the word ‘Bitch’ in the design Dean is finishing up.  Sam’s got the shape of the Impala’s roofline containing and incorporating the word ‘Jerk’. 

“Dean I want us to put some runes on too.  I figure we both should have Algiz for protection of course, but here are the other ones I picked for you, I just want to make sure they’re okay with you.  Because of what they mean.  Two are the truth and one is a wish I have for you.”

Dean raises his eyebrows, wondering what in the world Sam’s come up with now.  He looks over at the three runes in Sam’s design, and now his eyes are suspiciously moist.  “Yeah, okay Sammy.  Uh thanks.” 

Sam grins at him, leans over and gently wipes at the wet edge of Dean’s eye.  “What else could I pick, right?” 

Dean laughs, “I guess so.  Where’s the rune book? I want to make sure I remember these right when I pick the ones for you.” Sam digs it out from the pile of papers and books on the table and hands it over.  Dean flops on the bed reading through it, first looking up the three that Sam chose for him, making sure he did truly remember them right, he can’t really believe it, what they’re telling him about how Sam feels about him, about them.  They kind of change everything.

The first rune Sam has chosen for Dean, Othala, which means” inherited property or possessions, a house, a home.  What is truly important to one.  Source of safety, increase and abundance.  What a man is bound to.”  Dean takes this to mean that Sam is saying that Dean is his home, and what is most important to Sam, his source of safety and what he is bound to.  His heart feels like it’s about ready to burst out of his chest with the sudden rush of happiness he feels as this meaning really sinks in. 

The second rune Sam chose is Eihwaz, which means strength, reliability, dependability, trustworthiness. Defense, protection.  An honest man who can be relied upon.  Dean thinks about whether he lives up to this one or not, or if it’s the wish Sam mentioned making.  He begrudgingly admits to himself that yeah, he’s pretty damned dependable and he’s been working harder at being honest. 

The third rune, the one Sam means as his wish for Dean is Kenaz, the meaning he looks up is: Vision, revelation, knowledge, creativity, inspiration.  Power to create your own reality, the power of light.  Passion, sexual love.  Dean smiles thinking about this, what it means for them, because yeah they do have a lot of passion between them, but having this marked on him forever, by Sam is just, well, it will always be a turn-on, no matter how old they get.

As he reads through the book, his eyes keep going back to the page with Ehwaz, which is the traditional rune for true partnership or marriage. The more Dean thinks about it the more he realizes that asking Sam this right here, right now might be more helpful that the whole tattoo idea really is, it would really change everything and have a big impact.  Since it’s something he’s always wanted anyways, he decides to just go for it, see how Sam reacts, “Sam, you know how you said we both should have Algiz?  I think we should both get Ehwaz too.”

Sam’s head shoots up and he goes completely impossibly still, as if he’s waiting for Dean to pull the rug out from under him, “Really Dean?”

Dean smiles at Sam’s reaction, at his brother’s disbelief that this is how the question finally gets asked, “Wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it.”

Sam launches himself out of his chair and tackles Dean flat to the bed.  He claims Dean’s mouth in a scorching kiss, pouring out all the held-back emotion and passion that Dean’s question has released.  He’s lost himself again, but this time he’s lost in Dean, not Lucifer.  He’s lost in the scent and heat of his brother below him, wrapped tight around him.  And he’s silently whispering into Dean’s mouth yesohyesohyes until he can’t hold back the sound any more, and says it just loud enough so Dean can hear his answer.  Dean’s response is to flip them over so he’s staring down into Sam’s ecstatic, joy-filled face, drinking in the happiness this simple question has evoked.  “Geeze Sammy, guess I should have asked you this before.”

“Yeah, you really should have.” Sam laughs with a giddy sort of relief.

Dean holds Sam’s face between his hands, “So tomorrow we’ll find a tattoo artist okay?”

Sam grabs Dean’s wrists, holding on tightly, “Can’t we go now?”

“What’s the rush?  We’re going to have these on us forever.”

“Want it Dean, just want it on me now.  I need it Dean, what you’re giving me, I really need it.”  Sam doesn’t mean to sound so desperate, but he does, because he is, really desperate, this needs to happen now, he doesn’t want Lucifer to come back between them, never again, and this is going to work.

“Okay, okay, I get it.  Me too, you’re right, no point in waiting.  I guess there’s probably someone open, it’s not too late.  Phone book or Google, want to race?”

Sam gets up and goes back to his laptop to start looking, “Hey, you never showed me the runes you picked for me.”

“Oh yeah, here you go.”  Dean hands over the finished drawing with the three runes he chose for Sam, besides the two they’ll have in common.  Sowilo, Ingwaz, Wunjo are there.  Sam’s captivated by the completed tattoo drawing and the meanings of the runes that Dean incorporated for him, tracing them over and over again with his finger, but not saying anything.

Dean looks up from paging through the phonebook, smiling a little unsurely since Sam isn’t reacting really, “So, what do you think?”

Sam stops tracing his finger and swallows hard, answering quietly, “Not sure what to think.”

“What does that mean?  Good or bad?”

“Just, you really think I’m all that? The Sun and the Earth?”

“Duh, that’s why I picked them Sam. ”

“Huh.”

“What now?” Dean’s getting a little exasperated with Sam in spite of all the good feelings between them, he doesn’t want to have to get into a big conversation about the runes he chose for Sam, he wants to have the runes meanings do the talking for him.  He stays sitting on the bed, a bit uncertainly, Sam gets up and lies down on the bed next to him.

“I just never really knew I guess.  What you thought of me.  I mean, I knew, thought I knew, but this is so much more than that. This tattoo thing is gonna work Dean.”  Sam finally looks up at Dean, his eyes big and wide and glistening again with those same unshed tears.  It’s getting to be a habit, but Dean’s not going to bug him about it, not when Sam’s struggling with reality.

“Genius, that’s me.”

Sam rolls over and grabs him around the waist, tucking his head into Dean’s belly, looking up at him, “My genius.”

Dean chuckles and ruffles Sam’s hair, “Yeah Sammy. Your genius.”

“Did you find anyone yet?  I’ve got two possibles pretty near to here, who knew there were so many tattoo shops in Boise.”

“Yeah, I’ve got a couple too, are they the same?”

“A Mind’s Eye on 8th and New Moon on Fairview but I think they’re closing soon.”

Sam rolls over and grabs his phone, Dean listening to his one-sided conversation, “A Mind’s Eye it is, I’m calling now.”

“Yeah, do you take appointments?”

“Can you do two wrist bracelets tonight? We’re bringing our own art.”

“Yeah it’s pretty clean.”

“An hour and a half, okay, we’ll be there, thanks.”

“We’re all set Dean, we’ve got an hour and a half.  Want to go get some dinner first?”

“Okay, I saw a steakhouse over on 6th, so that’s in the right direction.”

“A Steakhouse?”

“C’mon it’s a special night, let’s splurge for something good for once.”

Sam smiles at him shyly, “You’re right, it is special, let’s do it up right huh?”

Getting up, rearranging themselves without too much groaning, being so hard in jeans is always uncomfortable. They wash up and change into slightly nicer than usual shirts.  Their dinner is good, just the thick sort of steak that Dean always loves and Sam secretly loves but pretends he likes the salad better, just to get a reaction out of Dean.  They’re almost done, sharing dessert, a mud pie with a really thick brownie crust when it hits Dean that they’re basically getting married in a few minutes.  Well not married in the usual sense of course, but close enough considering they’re brothers.  When those tattoos are inked onto their skin, that’s going to be it.  It won’t be a ring that you can slip off when you get divorced (or cheat) but something permanent and always visible. 

The more he thinks about it the more he wants it, the warmer he starts to feel inside, the heat coming from that want of possession which he’s always trying to deny.  It usually seems better to do that, leave the possessive stuff out of what he’s got with Sam, just in case he decides he wants to leave him again.   But that’s what this tattoo thing means, no more of that hesitation, he’s going to be Sam’s and Sam will be his and that’s hotter than anything he’s thought of in, well just about forever.  He tries to school his face into something a little more neutral as he looks up at Sam, his Sam, “Sammy, I’m glad we’re doing this.”

Sam sees everything of course, at this point Dean’s been an open book to him for months, something about dealing with the hell memories has given him a new ability to see through Dean’s bullshit front.  He puts his fork down and reaches over to take Dean’s hand, “Means a lot doesn’t it?  Means everything.”

Dean drops his lame attempt to cover the heat and passion in what he’s trying to communicate when he realizes Sam’s seen through him yet again, “Yeah, it really does.”  He leans across the table and gives Sam a kiss full of promise and devotion which leaves them both sighing a little with regret that they’re out in public.  “Ready to go do this?”  All Sam can do is nod his assent.

They’re both completely out of words as they walk out of the restaurant, Dean’s hand on the small of Sam’s back guiding him gently, Sam catching his hand as they walk the block over to the tattoo place.  Each of them glancing at the other, just in case there’s something left to say.  As they round the corner and spot the sign, Sam stops and pulls Dean into a doorway alcove, covering Dean’s mouth with his and kissing him hard and fast, “Last chance to change your mind Dean.” Sam whispers.

“No way Sammy, you’re not getting out of it that easy, we’re doing this.” Dean kisses him back, biting and sucking his lips until Sam can barely stand up.   They part slowly and walk the rest of the way to the tattoo shop, there’s only one person in the front of the store and there’s not much to say about him other than that he’s his own best customer, practically all visible flesh tattooed.  “You guys my 10 o’clock, two bracelets?”

“That’s us.”

“Let me see the artwork.”  Sam passes it over and they both watch the man’s eyebrows go higher and higher up his tattooed face. “This is really cool, you two draw this stuff?”

“Yeah we did, think it’s gonna work as a bracelet?”

“Yeah this will be something special, any thoughts on colors or are you sticking with black?”

“Just black, we want these to really last.””

“Got it, I know what this symbol means,” he points at Ehwaz, “so I get a little bit about the meaning and wanting it to last.  You have any ritual words or anything like that that you need to say before or while we’re doing this?”

Sam and Dean look at each other, Dean answers decisively, “No we’ve already said it.”

Sam squeezes Dean’s hand in that familiar possessive grasp that he’s gotten used to over the years.

“Alright let’s get started then, who’s going first?”

“That would be me I guess” says Sam starting forward, rolling up his long sleeve.  “Sit yourself down, what’s your name?”

“I’m Sam, and that’s Dean.”
“HI Sam and Dean, nice to meet you both, I’m Hank.” They both shake hands with Hank, and he gestures Dean into a chair behind Sam’s head.

“Dean, can you be over…”

Dean realizes Sam wants to be able to see him as he’s getting tattooed, so he scoots forward into view on Sam’s right side.  They’re getting the bracelets done on their left wrists as a nod to the convention of wearing a wedding ring on your left ring finger.  Hank preps Sam’s arm, cleaning it thoroughly, “I’ll let that dry while I go make a transfer of your art, be right back.”  He leaves into another room towards the back of the shop leaving Sam and Dean alone.  Sam takes Dean’s hand again.  “Dean, I just want to…”

Dean cuts his brother’s words off with a kiss.  “I know Sammy, I know.” He whispers against his lips.  Sam draws back, “No Dean you don’t, let me say this please.”  Dean sighs and drops his head.  “Dean I just want to promise you something.”

“Go ahead I’m listening.”

“I promise that I’ll never give in to Lucifer and what he wants me to do, never.  No matter how crazy I get I’ll never do that to you.  I swear.  You’re going to be stuck with me for a long time.”

“Thanks Sammy. I promise you that I’ll never leave you no matter how crazy you get. You’re gonna be stuck with me just as long. ”

“Good, I like that idea.”

“Me too.”  Sam reaches up and pulls Dean in for a kiss, big hand wrapped around the back of his neck.  The kiss gets deeper and more passionate, Dean’s hands roaming up and down Sam’s sides, they’re both on the edge and this isn’t the time or place.

Hank comes back in clearing his throat,”You two, um, done?”

“Uh, yeah, sorry.”

“No problem, I get it, this is a big deal.  You’ve got some heavy duty symbols in these designs, this for something in particular?”

“Yeah, it is but we can’t really talk about it, but it’s finally the right time, right place to do this, thanks for understanding.”

“You bet.  Symbols are more important than most people realize.  Sam, this is going to hurt when we go over the bony parts of your wrist, the rest shouldn’t be as bad, I need you to hold as still as possible.  If you can help with that somehow Dean, that would be great, but if you’re going to be a distraction that makes him move too much, I’ll ask you to move away.”

“No, stay here Dean, please, he’ll be good.”

“Alright Sammy, no problem, I’m not going anywhere.”

Hank starts in with the tattoo, and Sam and Dean watch as the word Bitch is drawn and then covered up with all the rest of the designs and symbols.  Dean leans into Sam’s right side and whispers encouragements and nonsensical endearments into his ear, doing good Sammy, looks so hot, you’re mine all mine now Sammy, can’t wait to lick this all the way around your wrist,  still so hard for me Sam, wait ‘til I get you back to the motel, Sam smiling his way through it all.  Dean starts kissing and licking Sam’s ear just to see if he can keep Sam on edge even through the pain of the tattoo, watching the bulge in his jeans stay the same size the whole time is kind of amazing, he has to readjust himself just thinking about it. 

Hank leaves Ehwaz for the last, “here we go guys, ready?”  as the final ink is drawn right on his pulse point, Sam feels it hitting him hard, deep inside a physical feeling of rightness, of a key turning in a lock that’s been waiting to be turned for a long time.  This idea that he’s now pledged to Dean officially, body and soul and he can’t contain himself from letting loose with a little moan.  “Yours Dean, I’m yours.”  Dean swallows up the echo of the words with his mouth, kissing Sam so hard, staking his claim.  “Yeah Sammy, you’re mine.”  Hank’s pointedly ignoring them, finishing up taping a bandage around Sam’s wrist, “Your turn now Dean.”

Sam and Dean switch places without letting go of each other for a second.  “Same deal, stay still and this will all be done real soon.  Not too much funny business this time guys.” Hank says trying to give them a severe I-mean-it look.  Sam and Dean smile at each other and say in unison “We’ll be good.”  Hank starts in with the tattoo and Dean hisses with the pain, tightening his hand in Sam’s “Hurts Dean?”

Dean grimaces, “Yeah, hurts so good.”

Sam squeezes Dean’s right hand, “Thanks for doing this Dean.”

“Would you quit thanking me, I should be thanking you for god’s sake.”

“I mean it Dean, thank you for taking this step for me.”

“You’re welcome Sammy, now shut up and hold my hand.”

Sam leans over to put his head on Dean’s shoulder, whispering in his ear,

“Within Without

You are mine

Without you there is no me

Within me always safe

Within Without

Forever Mine.”

  Dean swallows around the sudden lump in his throat and just smiles and turns slightly, brushing their lips softly together.   “You just make that up?”

“Yeah I did.”

“You should write it down, that’s a good one.  I don’t want to forget it.”

“Down to the last bit again guys.”  Hank starts in on inking the Ehwaz onto Dean’s wrist, right at the pulse point where it belongs.  When Dean feels the sting of the needle begin, the same feeling that overwhelmed him back in the restaurant comes over him again.  This time magnified a hundred times, that he’s really doing this, giving himself over to Sam forever, he never thought he’d get to do this, the joy he feels is too much and he can’t help himself and he whispers in Sam’s ear,  “Love you my Sammy. ‘m yours now bitch.”  Sam grins and kisses him soundly, “All yours jerk.”

“You two are really something you know that?  I’m gonna need to go home and kiss my old lady, tell her all about you guys.” Hank says grinning as he tapes up Dean’s bandage.  Sam and Dean get up, still holding hands, rearranging themselves so they can walk.  “Thanks Hank, these look really good, just what we needed.”  Dean pays him in cash, it wouldn’t feel right using a fake credit card for something so monumentally important. 

They walk back to the car as quickly as they can, wanting to be back in their motel room as soon as possible.  Dean gets them going quickly, but not quickly enough for Sam, “This ride is already taking too long Dean, want you in me now.”

“Oh god Sam, you can’t say shit like that when I’m drivin’”

“Just hurry it up would you, can’t wait anymore.  Want you to take me Dean, I’m yours now, want you to show me, mark me, claim me.”

“Okay Sam, anything, just hold on until we get there.”

Sam’s reached inside his jeans and is obviously stroking himself.  “Can’t wait Dean, you gotta hurry.”

“Sammy I’m going as fast as I can. I want it too, that’s not fair, you gotta wait for me.”  Sam isn’t going to wait though, so he undoes Dean’s belt and the top few buttons on his jeans, and pulls Dean out, stroking his hard length, beginning a slow delicious pumping rhythm.  Dean groans and his head thunks back on the headrest.  “You’re killin’ me Sam, gonna make me crash the damned car.”

“Not telling me to stop though are you?” Sam smirks at him, diving down to take Dean in his mouth as far as he can.  Dean yelps in surprise, “Oh god what’re you, oh shit.”  They are almost back to the motel, so he just spreads his legs and tries to concentrate on anything besides Sam’s hot mouth working him over so frantically.

“Sammy we’re there, you gotta stop for a sec okay?”  Sam pulls off reluctantly, wiping his mouth and chin with the back of his hand, looking up at Dean with this feral expression of need and musthavenow that makes Dean’s blood thrill with the excitement. Dean grimaces, putting himself back into his pants and buttoning up, “c’mon, let’s get in the room already.”

Sam gets out without a word, following Dean closely, hovering behind him as he shoulders open the door.  Dean turns around as soon as the door closes.  “So, here we are, you said something about wanting me to take you and claim you, still up for that?”

Sam doesn’t answer, just starts removing his clothes quickly while watching his brother’s reaction.  Once he’s naked he lies down on the bed, waiting, anticipating.  Dean is still by the door watching Sam who is now lying there open and sprawled on the bed stroking himself.  For some reason he feels nervous seeing his brother presenting himself like that, it’s very different than how they usually get things going.  But this whole day and night have been different.  Taking a cue from Sam, he doesn’t say anything, usually he’d be teasing about how Sam just can’t wait for it, but this, this is different now.  Like Sam said before he wanted to be taken, claimed, and if the memory of what happens next helps the tattoo do its job and keep Lucifer away, then Dean’s going to go for it, do his best to give Sam what he’s asked for.

As his hand keeps moving up and down, slowly stroking and squeezing, Sam keeps his eyes on his brother, waiting to see what he’ll do.  The anticipation is killing him, and he has a hard time not saying anything to Dean.  Not wanting to break the tense, excited silence between them, he just moans softly when he sees Dean start to take his clothes off.  But then Dean sits in the chair facing the bed, naked, stroking himself in time with Sam, eyes locked with his.  Sam moans again, louder this time, because he wants to touch, wants to feel Dean on in, in him, surrounding him and he’s so far away.  They stroke themselves in sync for a while, until it gets to be almost too much, they’re both so close now, skating on that edge but not wanting to go over unless it’s together.

Dean finally stands up, hand never slowing, eyes never wavering from Sam’s and stalks towards the bed like the predator he’s become.  He stands over his beautiful brother, all laid out and flushed below him and speeds up his strokes, hand become a blur until he lets go, all over Sam, painting him with white strings and splats on Sam’s face and as far down his body that it gets on Sam’s cock, where it’s used by Sam to speed up towards his own release.  As Sam begins to let go, Dean leans down and puts his face in close to where Sam’s hand moves so quickly, catching all of Sam’s come on his face, Dean’s just soaked in it, unable to open his eyes until he swipes them clear, dripping down to his lips which he cleans with his tongue.   He stands back up, looks down at Sam, who is all wide-eyed and panting, hands bunching and releasing, wanting so badly to touch, they still haven’t touched.  Dean cleans the rest of the come off his face with one hand, then lowers it to Sam’s belly, mixing their come together.  Sam hisses at the contact, finally some contact.  Dean traces symbols into his skin, making marks that Sam can feel deep inside, the same runes permanently echoed on his wrist.

Sam looks up at Dean with a new understanding of what his brother is doing to him, for him, for them.  He asked Dean to mark him and claim him, and that’s just what he’s done.  He grabs Dean’s wrist, stilling the mark-making hand and pulls it towards his mouth, where he pulls it in and gently sucks in each finger in its own turn, cleaning them thoroughly with licks of his tongue, even the webs between the fingers get this treatment until Dean finally reacts with his own low moan.  Sam tugs on Dean’s hand, wanting him down on the bed with him now and Dean complies, folding over him, covering him almost completely, the spread-out drawings now pressed between them, making their bodies slip and slide against each other. 

Dean holds himself up a little, looking down into Sam’s eyes searching them to see if what they’re doing is having the impact that he wants and he’s rewarded with a look he’s never seen from his brother.  Sam’s eyes show that he’s accepting it all, that he’s right there with Dean and that he gets it, really, truly, deeply, that he’s Dean’s now and vice versa, permanently.  Dean smiles gently and leans down to lick his come off of Sam’s face, finally ending up at Sam’s lips, he traces them slowly with his tongue, holding back as long as he can before giving in and kissing Sam.  Their lips slip together and their mouths open, tongues meeting and soothing searching, yes both claiming and being claimed.  As they kiss, time slips into that space where it isn’t stopped but slowed down, so that everything is magnified, they can feel every exquisite movement, their desire matching, engulfing, entwining as they both begin to move together, hardening all over again.

Sam reaches over to the bedside table, grabbing the ubiquitous bottle of lubricant, and hands it to Dean with raised eyebrows.  Dean draws back slowly, dragging his hands along Sam’s body as he goes, kneeling between Sam’s spread legs and works the slick into him, fingering him open, using more to stroke himself thick and shiny and ready.   Dean looks up the long length of Sam’s body into his eyes, seeing all the wanting and love, lines himself up and takes his brother completely in one smooth motion.  He sees it all on Sam’s face, the breathless need to be filled and taken, the joy that they’re together, the love they’ve always shared and he’s sure he couldn’t control it even if he wanted to, but he reflects all of that right back to Sam.  So that Sam can see for real and for true that this right here is everything for Dean, there’s nothing else he wants more than this and he’s so damned happy in this moment to be sharing this with Sam, nobody else in the whole world could possibly understand what this means to him, to them.  He’s the only one. 

Sam sees all of this on his brother’s face, every bit of it and he’s lost to it, there’s never been anything like this for him, ever, nothing even close.  He’s being taken, overwhelmed by the thrusts of his brother’s body and the emotion pouring out of him unchecked for once, he’s filled in every sense, Dean’s beautiful face fills his vision, Dean’s scent fills his sense of smell, all he can feel is Dean everywhere their bodies touch, only the taste of Dean is in his mouth, and just the sound of his brother’s rhythmic breathing in his ears.  There’s nothing else for him but Dean in this moment, no one else.  Just them, together, like they always have been, but more now, stronger with this new commitment they’ve made to each other.  The idea reaches him again that he is Dean’s and Dean is his and he can’t hold back any longer, losing himself in wave after wave of pleasure, feeling Dean join him until they lay there still joined, panting in unison.

Dean reluctantly lifts himself up and off and out of Sam’s body and collapses next to him in Sam’s arms, his face up against Sam’s neck.  They’ve still not said a word through all of this, everything being said with their bodies and Dean wants to say something now, to say the right thing, but he hesitates, not being sure about it.  He doesn’t want to ruin this, it’s all gone so well, so much better than he’d thought it could be, but he needs to say something.  “Sammy, thank you.”

“Thank you for what Dean?”

“For giving yourself to me.” Dean whispers into Sam’s neck.

Sam squeezes him tighter in his arms, “I was always yours, but I know what you mean, and thank you for the same.”

Sam puts their bandaged wrists together and strokes them gently, “I can’t wait to see what these look like tomorrow when we take the bandages off.”

“Me too, they’re gonna look hot.”

Sam laughs, “Damn right they will.”

“You think this worked at all Sam?” Dean asks, a little worried and a whole lot hopeful.
Sam considers for a second, checking in the usual places for where Lucifer slips through, but it all seems solid now, just him in here, him and a whole lot of Dean, “Seems like it, I’ll let you know okay?”

“Okay Sammy, I’m sleepin’ now.” Dean trails off, voice dropping out sleepily.

“I know Dean, me too, g’night.” Sam chuckles to himself and kisses the top of Dean’s head because he knows he can get away with it just this once.

They slip off together into an untroubled sleep, rare for them both, entwined so closely body and soul, not caring for once what will come at them in their dreams, ready to face anything now that they’re together like they’ve always been meant to be.  Sleeping in the peace of finally admitting that in the here and now that they are and have always been soul mates.

~FIN~

~*~*~*~*~

Author’s disclaimer, I’m obviously not an expert on Runes, just about everything I know I learned from the internet.  Just for fun, you can go here to see and read about the Runes Sam and Dean chose.   http://www.sunnyway.com/runes/meanings.html



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This was gorgeous.

I love the idea of runes with the rainy-day art tattoos. And thanks for the link on runes - I would love to know more on that.

Thank you so much, and you're welcome for the link, there's a whole lot out there on the web about runes, they've been around for a long time.

Oh, this was beautiful! I have such a thing for the boys getting matching meaningful tattoos, and for them to make a commitment to each other. This was a perfect blend of some of the things I like most in a fic and exactly what I needed tonight. Thank you.

Thank you! I too have that tattoo thing, which was why I finally wrote my own. Something about the permanence and commitment I think.

Holy shit. Hot, sweet, awwwwwwww! I adore this!

Hot and sweet, quite a compliment, thanks very much, glad you enjoyed it.

That link was very enlightening! And so was your tale! Love that old Lucie kept his distance that night and Sam slept safely with his 'protector'. Absolutely loved your choice of runes and that they so artfully disguised the two words that all fans have come to identify with the smartass Winchester boys.

Hey thanks! Glad you like the link on runes, thought there might be some interest in seeing what they look like. I wished I could have drawn the tattoos I described to include with the fic, but not my forte' unfortunately.

This fic is so perfect I've ended up reading it twice today.

What a wonderful compliment, I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much.

This was so lovely. I especially love that the tattoo artist knew what some of the runes meant and the gravity of what Sam and Dean were doing (at least, as much as he could!), and that the way they acted made him want to go home and kiss his "old lady." :)

Thank you very much. I thought a tattoo artist would probably have "seen it all" after being in the business for a while,and know a lot of the symbols people would choose. Plus I always love when outsiders get a blast of the Sam and Dean love and get affected by it so I had to throw that in there too. And I love your Lite*Brite icon, god were those ever fun to play with.

I use runes in my spell work, most of the time. I'm so happy to see you've not only showcased them correctly, but with respect and reverence. Thank you for that. Using runes to permanently mark the body is very powerful. It's one of the main reasons runes are still so popular among the 'Craft community.
Also, I loved this story. What a perfect way to cement what the boys mean to each other. And Dean being so open with Sam is something I wish we could see in Show. This story was so full of hope and love, I'm bursting with happiness for them, both. Thank you for sharing this awesome fic!

Thank you very much, I'm so glad that you felt I used the runes correctly. I had a friend that used to read mine all the time (and I would read the Tarot for her) so I have some exposure to them. I love the idea of permanent spell work on the body, hey it worked for me, so why not have Sam and Dean try it.
This season's shows have really inspired a lot of fix-it fic from me, they haven't had enough heart-to-heart talks for my tastes I guess. And they *need* to! So I keep writing them doing that. At some point it seems to me, Dean is going to figure out that Sam needs it to survive, and he always gives Sam what he needs...A girl can dream right?


Much, much love for this fic! To keep Lucifer and all others at bay, Dean and Sam bonded themselves together in their usual kick-ass, deeply emotional style. :)

Oh thank you very much, I'm so glad to hear that you liked it.

Aw thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

New to fan fiction - but i have stumbled onto yours -- i love all the images/symbols from start to finish

Welcome to reading fan fiction, I hope you can find lots more that you enjoy. Thanks for the comment, I glad to hear that you appreciated the images and symbols I used in my story.

So now I am stalking you fic after reading your big bang and I loved this. They are so romantical for each other (giggle) I haven't read all your fic, but I love how you almost have them getting married in the two i have read. I think, if you haven't you should write a wedding one for them \o/ Just a suggestion, but you write their romance really really really really really good :-)

I have a fic stalker, hooray! (hee) Yeah, I know my writing tends to be really romance oriented, not sure why, but I just want to fix them all the time. Hmmm, write a wedding one huh? I'll think about it, I've really enjoyed reading some of the wedding fics out there, so maybe I should,

That was soooo good. My heart. Ouch. Thank you.

Thanks very much! And you're welcome. And, uh, sorry about your heart.

Gorgeous, beautiful, sweet and HOT! Just wow!

<3

Aww, *blushes*, thanks very much for your sweet comment.

OH MY GOD THEY GOT MARRIED!! :D I love this so much, and not just that part, but, yeah. Beautifully done.

(edited because I am an idiot and originally commented with the link to your fic and no comment. Never done that particular thing before...)

Edited at 2012-09-22 12:43 pm (UTC)

Oh thank you so much. Yes they pretty much got married, or at least as married as they'll ever really get. Thought it was about time! Glad you enjoyed it.

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