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The Wanting Comes In Waves

All Sam/Dean, All The Time

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fic: Taboo Truths (Sam/Dean, NC-17) part 3 of 4


The hours tick by without a lot of conversation, not out loud anyways.  Sam and Dean are communicating the whole time through their bond. The words and feelings flying back and forth are becoming a flood washing over both of them. All sorts of mundane things, and important thoughts too, ideas about their future plans. How Dean wants to try selling some of the classic cars in the bunker. And Sam wants to upgrade the Men of Letters computer system for a big database he has in mind.

Dean keeps noticing Tara staring at them from the backseat, so he tries to smile and engage her.  But she’s pretty closed off, and it’s understandable. Making such a huge change, all the violence she’s witnessed, not to mention the hooking. Dean feels for her, as much as he can through the negative haze that the Mark seems to color everything with. Everything but Sam, of course.

Sam picks up on how unusually sympathetic Dean seems to be, especially about the hooking aspect of Tara’s mess of a life.  He notices it because of how conflicted Dean seems to feel. Through their bond, he picks up more of the story, about how Dean supported them through the leaner years, when Dad was absent more than he should have been.  Sam’s not sure what to say, or if he should even acknowledge that he knows now. It doesn’t change anything between them, but it just emphasizes for Sam, as if he needed that again, to realize how much Dean’s always done for him. Without saying anything about it, Dean just has always made his life work as well as he could.  Sam decides on sending Dean some gratefulness, a steady stream of thank you’s and appreciation.

Dean finally shakes his head, telling Sam to cut it out.  Sam frowns and makes an exaggerated sad face.  Dean reaches out and pinches his ear, hand brushing down the side of his neck and landing on the top of the back seat.  His fingers stay there, brushing back and forth, tangled in Sam’s long hair.

Tara watches all this with wide eyes from the back seat like it’s the best sort of reality TV show unfolding before her.  Neither of them notice that she’s noticed. And she doesn’t say anything. The only thing she talks about is how happy she is that they’re getting her to Mattie’s ranch where Allie will be meeting her in a couple of days. Just the thought of being settled and safe, and back with her friends seems to be enough to make her relax.

It’s one really long day of driving, more than eight hours. Sam takes a turn after lunch, and then Dean drives long past dinner time.  Finally Sam insists that they stop overnight in Missoula. They get a double room, Dean and Sam say that sharing a bed is no big deal. Pizza is ordered, and Sam requests beer to go with it, and dares Dean to try and beat the delivery guy back.

“No beer for you, kiddo,” Dean says to Tara as he’s heading out the motel room door. “I’ll get you some chocolate milk or somethin’.”

Tara doesn’t say anything, just laughs.  Sam notices it, because that’s the first time he’s really heard her laugh.  She sounds a little out of practice, but it’s good. It’s not like he really knows her, but he’s glad that this girl that they’re trying to help is maybe going to be okay.

“I still can’t believe you guys are doing this for me,” Tara says after at least ten minutes of silence, sitting on the edge of the bed farthest from the door that was designated hers.

Sam looks up from his laptop, already reviewing his research to make sure Matangi is gone for good.  “Like we said, it’s what we do, and it was on the way back home for us.”

“Where’s home?” Tara asks.

The word ‘home’ vibrates strangely in Sam’s ears.  One of those questions that’s bigger than it seems at first. His first honest answer would be Dean, but that wouldn’t make any sense to her, and he can’t really claim the bunker as home, or reveal it. Vagueness will have to do.  “We’re based out of Kansas now.”

“So you do have somewhere to go back to after fighting goddesses and monsters, huh?”

“Yeah, and it’s nice to try and forget about it when we can.”

“Ever been to Yellowstone?” Tara asks.

“No, never. Always wanted to though, that and the Grand Canyon. Out of all the time we’ve spent driving around, you’d think we could stop and check them out. But there’s always the next job, you know?”

“Does Dean know you want to go there?” Tara asks.

“Go where?” Dean asks, closing the door much more loudly than he’d opened it.

“Sam says he’s never been to Yellowstone. And Cody is just right next door, you really should take him, after you drop me off at my friend’s place,” Tara says, sounding a little more enthused about it than she maybe really should.

“That where you wanna go, Sammy?” Dean asks with a sideways grin, offering Sam one of the just-opened beers.  He sets a carton of chocolate milk on the bedside table closest to Tara.  She picks it up and smiles, shaking it up.

“Yeah, sure. But we don’t have to go right now,” Sam answers, taking a swig of beer and trying to hide his growing excitement about the idea of finally going there, and going with Dean.

“We haven’t taken a day off in a while, why not? Maybe we can see some buffalo or whatever they’ve got there,” Dean says, sitting on the bed closest to Sam’s spot at the desk.

Sam shakes his head in amazement that this conversation is even happening. He suddenly wishes Tara wasn’t here, because he’d like to express that to Dean in a more physical way. But he settles for a big smile and a taste of his excitement sent through their bond. “Sure, why not? Since we’ll be right there.”

The pizza delivery guy shows up then, and the conversation about Yellowstone takes another turn while they’re eating.

“We don’t have all our camping gear, and I don’t think we should buy more right now,” Dean says, waving his half-empty beer bottle to emphasize his point.

“But a lot of it is really old and needs replacing. Staying in a hotel doesn’t seem like the right way to experience it is all I’m saying,” Sam says, finishing the last slice of pizza on his paper plate.

Tara looks back and forth at both of them. “My friend, uh, Mattie, the one you’re taking me to stay with? She’s got a cabin on the edge of the park. This time of year, it’s probably not rented out. I bet she’d let you use it.”

“See, now there’s a good solution,” Dean says, pointing one pizza-sauce covered finger at her. “Thanks, Tara, that would be awesome.”

Sam grins at his brother’s continued use of the word ‘awesome’ and finishes his beer without further comment. He can feel the happy excitement coming from Dean, and it’s matching his own, the miracle of being back in-sync again still surprising him.


The drive from Missoula to Cody is not as long a stretch as yesterday’s, and is spent more in an anticipatory, excited mood.  Tara, now feeling more comfortable with the guys is babbling about Mattie and her ranch, which apparently has llamas along with the more expected ranch animals.  Sam is turned sideways on the front seat so he can talk to her more easily. His folded knee is pressing into Dean’s thigh, the physical contact making their bond more easily crossed.

Dean half-listens to the conversation about raising llamas, but more and more of his attention is going to the connection of this bond. It’s not all new, they’ve always been unnaturally close, but incorporating the ease of communication of thoughts and feelings that he usually keeps all to himself into how he goes through life with Sam at his side is a challenge. Like Sam said yesterday, knowing that it’s hard for him too helps.  Dean sends a howyadoing? through the bond and gets a smirk and a squeeze to his knee from Sam in response.

Mattie’s ranch isn’t that large, but the main house looks well-kept, and the cabin that Tara will be living in is small, but neat. Sam goes over the ritual that Tara will need to do from time to time to check in that Matangi has indeed departed.  He helps her set up a small altar with the right number of candles, herbs and offerings.  Dean gets a tour of the llama pens from Mattie, and they bond over their love of good barbecue.

“You’ve gotta go back into town for it, but Bubba’s is the best in the state,” Mattie says, tipping her straw hat back so she can see Dean a little better in the glare of the afternoon sun.

“Let me guess? Barbecue?” Sam interrupts, nudging a shoulder into Dean.

“Yeah, that’s where we’re heading for an early dinner. Mattie here says the cabin is about an hour out from town. Figure we can eat, pick up some supplies and get there right before dark,” Dean says, looking up at his brother with a smile.

Sam tips his head a little at Dean’s smile, surprised to see him looking so happy about going to a National Park, but maybe it’s the barbecue he’s excited about.

“Sure we can’t convince you guys to stay around a little while?” Mattie asks.  “I think Tara wouldn’t mind.”

“I think she needs a little break from us, it’s been a hectic coupla days. And her friend is arriving tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, that kid Allie is really something. Those two are a pair, I’m still not sure how they got split up like that. I’m going to always owe you for bringing her back to me here. I promised Tara’s mother I’d watch out for her.”

“Mattie, we’ll call it square after using your cabin for a few days, okay?” Dean says, reaching out a hand to shake.  Sam shakes Mattie’s hand too.

Tara comes to the door of her cabin and waves a little shyly, standing there in her hoodie; she looks so much better than when they’d first met her. Sam nudges at Dean’s side and he walks over to give her a little goodbye hug.  She waves at them again as they leave in the Impala.

“She all set with the ritual thing?” Dean asks as he pulls out of the dirt driveway onto the highway.

“Yeah, she’s got it covered,”Sam says, looking over at Dean because he can practically see the happiness and excitement coming off of him.

“So, hungry for some barbecue?” Dean asks after a little pause where he’s sending Sam thoughts of licking barbecue sauce off of various body parts.

“Bubba’s? Really?” Sam asks with a laugh at the two-level conversation they’re having.  “Wouldn’t miss it!”