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The Wanting Comes In Waves

All Sam/Dean, All The Time

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Short Reaction to 11.11

Even if you haven't seen the episode yet, just listen to this...
I think one of my favorite things was the Warren Zevon song at the end of the episode, Prison Grove.
I loved how it mirrored Dean's internal conflict so perfectly. He obviously knows something bad is coming because of his connection with Amara. He feels incredibly guilty that he hasn't told Sam. That conversation in the kitchen about Purgatory, I think he almost did because he was inspired and moved by Sam's honesty. But he still couldn't bring himself to do it. Especially after Sam asked why the banshee chose to go after Dean. Sam can't be worried about Dean, not when he's dealing with the trauma of seeing Lucifer again and being in the cage. So he puts it off a little longer. But he still feels so bad that he can't be honest with Sam. He doesn't know what to say or how to describe it. Even to himself. He knows hiding it from Sam is a mistake, but it's just his way of protecting Sam and also his M.O. of many many years.  I'm worried about how it's going to come back to hurt both of them though, especially now that Casifer (Lustiel?) knows...

That was the longest bro-conversation we’ve had in like two seasons! They actually finished a conversation about feelings. The damn has burst, FINALLY! Our patience has borne fruit.  They were both so honest with each other in that moment. Honestly, it made me tear up.
Sam finally getting it off his chest that he feels guilty for *stopping* looking for Dean when he was in Purgatory. And then even better, Dean's response to that. Dean actually making sure Sam listened and accepted his forgiveness. To me, that was a beautiful demonstration of the true grace of forgiveness.
Would it have been better if Dean had said someting like "hey I've done some bad shit lately too," well of course. But, I think in a way, keeping it focused on what Sam was trying *in that moment* to communicate to him was even more valuable. If Dean had made it all about him and what he's done and feels guilty for, then it would have taken away from what Sam was trying to express.  Do I think Dean needs to do the same damn thing at some other point in time, (preferably at the beginning of this season!) oh yes.  Will he? I'm not holding my breath, but I hope he does.

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I agree with all that you said. Funny thing, I wasn't familiar with the song and asked my hubby who it was- he didn't know either and was about to research it when your post popped up! It is all about timing. Great song- does fit Dean at the moment. :)

You're so right about the grace of forgiveness. Sam will obviously sleep beetter after this, even though poor Dean is still wracked with his own worries. I love the way the bedroom scenes at the beginning and the end of the episode mirror each other; at the beginning, Sam's shown having trouble sleeping, shadows of what looks like the cage across him and the bed. In the end, it's Dean's turn for a sleeples night and "prison" reference, this time in that perfect song. Dean in prison makes me think back to Season 2 and Sam's comment to him then that it was a little scary how well Dean seemed to belong in prison. Yikes!

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