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The Wanting Comes In Waves

All Sam/Dean, All The Time

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Fic: Whole Week of Love (Sam/Dean)

Title: Whole Week of Love
Author: smalltrolven
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Word Count: 2429
Rating: Mostly G
Author's Notes; Not my characters, only my words.
Written for Wincest Love Week #2 for novakhs on tumblr. Thanks to canonsoulmates for setting this wonderful exchange up, it's so great getting flooded with wincest head canons and stories the week leading up to Valentine's Day.

Summary: A small collection of short wincest head canon/drabble-ish things.

Read it over on AO3 right here.

First Time they Choose to be each other’s:

The first time they chose to be each other’s came much later than you’d think. They’d each decided that individually though, long before they knew what love was, it was just how their world was made. Dean and Sam didn’t say it out loud to each other though, until there almost wasn’t enough time left to get the words out. During Dean’s last week, before the hellhounds and Lilith, they took their hearts out of their chests and handed them over by saying the words to each other: I am yours, you are mine.

The most recent time they choose to be each other’s came just after Dean was cured of being a demon. Dean was sure that Sam “would want a divorce.” But Sam, steady, sure and true as always, said the words once more: I am yours, you are mine. And Dean, voice quiet could only reply Sammy at first, but then he repeated the words as the vow they are, adding “come whatever” on the end to Sam’s delight.

Things they love about each other:

If you asked Dean to name the things he loves about Sam he’d be embarrassed, no matter who you were. But if you pressed him to name just one, then he’d grudgingly admit he loves his brother’s big, strong, capable hands most of all. He’d tell you he remembers how they used to be so much smaller than his own, sticky and dirty always pressing into his skin, touching all his freckles driving him crazy. But now they’re so much larger than his own and they still drive him crazy, but a good kind of crazy.

Then next Dean would tell you he loves Sam’s lush beautiful hair especially when it’s sex-messed and wild. He used to love washing it when Sam was small, taking out all the tangles carefully, convincing his father he knew how to cut it safely. But then there’s his brain, oh and his eyes, not to mention the amazing body Sam works so hard on maintaining. But most of all, he loves how shiny and perfect and beautiful Sam’s soul is. He feels truly lucky that he got to see it once. He tries to describe it to Sam when Sam’s having a hard time remembering that he’s a worthwhile human being, or just when he’s having a down couple of days. He curls up next to Sam and whispers in his ear about his beautiful shining soul, how it’d nearly leapt out of Death’s hands. How it had such power and energy even Death could hardly manage to hold it. How it had been so bright and shining that Dean had had to cover his eyes. That it was nearly as overpowering to look at as an angel’s grace. He always ends with whispering in Sam’s ear, “And a million times more beautiful, because it was you, Sam.”

If you asked Sam to tell you one thing he loves about Dean’s one on the inside and one on the outside he'd have trouble narrowing it down. For the outside, he’d pick Dean’s eyes, the color, the shape, the long lush lashes, but most of all their expressiveness. He loves being caught by Dean’s eyes, how they feel so physical, trapping him, caressing him. Dean’s eyes when he’s at his most unguarded tell him everything he ever needs to know about what’s in his brother’s heart. Sam’s favorite inside thing about Dean is that his brother loves so deeply, it’s breath-taking in its comprehensiveness. Conditional, unconditional, whatever kind of love Dean has for something or someone, he’s in it completely. It used to bother him when he was younger, to be loved like that, but now he understands and rejoices in the feeling of being loved by Dean so hard and so truly. Dean works so hard to conceal it (even from himself) but Sam sees it in how he moves through the world.

Day 2


Hearing that they were soul mates didn’t come as a surprise to either of them. It made a certain kind of sense, there was always an otherworldly right-ness to the way they felt when they’d join together. Both of them had figured it was the being brothers thing, or even just love. They’d never talked about it after coming back from heaven. But then the file on Soul Mate Lore was found in the Men of Letter’s library, and it was all Sam could talk about for weeks.

Sam made Dean read the whole thing more than once. Dean didn’t get much out of it, except confirmation that his brother truly was a research nerd, and that he was still the only person he ever wanted to be with, but he already knew both of those things. It came down to Sam was Everything and they were going to be Forever. Not anything new to Dean.

Sam though, he understood now what being soul mates meant for them, it explained so much about what they’d done, the choices they’d made, and what their ending story would likely be. It made him feel comforted that what they were to each other wasn’t at its base something dark and twisted by their unusual lives. It was instead on a cosmic-level, maybe even heaven approved. But all he knew in his heart was that their love story wasn’t ever going to end.

Day 3



I’m not sure if you’ll find this before you get to Stanford or not. Maybe you’re on a bus somewhere, or you’re sitting in your dorm room. All I know is you’re not here with me. There’s a few things I couldn’t say to you out loud, so I’m taking the chicken-shit way out and writing them to you here.

First, I’m proud of you. So damn proud. Never forget that. You deserve this chance, Sammy,  you worked so damn hard and I’m glad you’re gonna have a life outside of all this. Second, I hope you make enough time to find someone who can make you happy. Whoever they are, they better be good to you, or else.  Third, call me. Whenever you want, I don’t care what time it is. Just call, okay? Last, saved the big one for last of course. I’m going to miss you and I hope you never forget how much I love you.

~ Dean

Dear Dean,
I’m not sure you’ll read this before I leave, I hope not. But I have to write this down, in case I chicken out and can’t say the words to you. I’m leaving, but I’m not leaving you, or because of you. Please believe that. I know it might seem like it, but I’m doing this for me. And I know you’ll think it’s selfish or whatever, but I need to find another way to help people. Hunting just isn’t for me. I wish, god I wish more than anything that I could just ask you to come with me. But I don’t want to put you in the position of having to chose between me and Dad and hunting. That wouldn’t be fair. And we both know you have a hard time saying No to me anyway.

While I’m gone, just remember me okay? Remember the brother who loves you so much and is so thankful that you were there for me my whole life. You’re the only reason I’ve gotten this far, Dean. I couldn’t have made it to Stanford without you. I’ll miss you.
Love, Sam

Day 4


Sam wonders if this is a curse, this thing he’s feeling for his brother. If there wasn’t something to what that witch was screaming at them on that last hunt as she died. Neither he nor Dean had felt any different, and yet. He can’t stop looking at Dean, and when he does it feels so different, painful inside like it’s never enough just to look that if he could just touch it wouldn’t hurt so much. It gets worse every day and Dean’s noticing and he just can’t stop himself from looking.

But Dean is always there and always more beautiful each time he looks, how can he stop himself? Dean finds it when he’s doing the laundry, stuck in his jeans pocket, a small metal charm of an eye with an inscription on the back. When he gets Sam to translate them, the words are an unbreakable curse, of course they are. They’re to enchant the holder of the charm to be irresistible to the person who first sees you. There’s no way to get Sam to stop and it’s only going to get worse.

It’s not an excuse exactly, but a reason for them to finally give in to what they’ve always wanted from each other. It’s better than either of them had ever imagined, Afterwards, Sam apologizes and tries to tell Dean it doesn’t ever have to happen again. They can go back to how they were before. And Dean’s heart rebels at the idea. But he agrees, because Sam’s asking. There’s no way to go back though, unbearable weeks pass where they’re walking on eggshells, hearts torn and bruised.

Finally the truth comes out when Sam finishes off a bottle of tequila while Dean’s out ‘being himself’. Sam drunkenly confesses he had wanted more than anything to be with Dean, and not just because of the curse. Dean calls him an idiot and pulls him into his bed and doesn’t let him out for several days. They keep the eye charm on a cord that hangs from the Impala’s rear-view mirror as a reminder.

Day 5


The end to hunting happens quite suddenly, both too torn up with too much rehab and surgery to contemplate going back to the life. Sam’s shoulder and wrist again, Dean’s back and knees. Not at their ages anyway. They’d never thought hunting would be something they would age out of. That they got to the grey-hair stage together is amazing enough. The Bunker’s stairs become an issue, so they sell some of the precious books and Tiffany lamps and buy a little one-level house near Charleston.

There’s plenty of room for a garden and a large garage to keep them both busy. The bedroom they share is peaceful with a quilt they’d bought in Kansas before they’d left and pictures of their friends and family on the wall. Just like normal people. There’s another wall that has weapons displayed too, but that’s normal for them. Sam finally gets to have a dog that Dean complains about but loves to pieces, spoiling her more than Sam does.

There are challenges getting used to not being on the road, but being together and safe wins out every time. They spend a lot of time demon and angel proofing the entire property so they feel safer than they had at the end of their time at the Bunker. Duck hunting becomes the only hunting they do, fishing was too boring for both of them. But sitting in a duck blind all day, drinking beer and whispering stories of their lives to each other, is a pretty sweet way to spend time together.

They slowly make friends in their new town, even some couple friends this time which is new. Married people who have kids and whole extended families. There are neighborhood barbecues and book clubs that they struggle with even attending at first. But they find themselves accepted and eventually learn how to not just pretend to be normal. Pretty soon, they have a large group of people that they care about and seem to return their feelings. And it's unexpected but a very good thing.

Practically everyone they get to know is impressed with these two veterans still both dealing with obvious ptsd. How much they love and care for each other and are adorably inseparable. And more than one person remarks on how beautiful of a couple they make because they just glow when they’re together. Dean still gets embarrassed about it when people remark on their coupley-ness, but Sam just smiles and holds his brother’s hand even tighter. As far as he cares, they’ve earned it.

Day 6

Undercover couple:

Playing a couple for a case was much easier before they were a couple, or whatever it is that they are to each other. The answer to that not so insignificant question is everything by the way. At least that’s what Sam would tell you, Dean thinks that too, but he probably wouldn’t say it out loud unless he was really drunk or under a truth spell. So now when they have to play a couple to fool people on a case, they try out different versions of relationships.

Sam will usually set it up because he’s curious how far Dean can or will let things go. Sometimes Sam will be super handsy and affectionate calling Dean all sorts of pet names. Dean will surprise him with how he’ll either accept it all or even play back just as cutesy even upping the ante with more and more PDA. Sometimes the roles they assume help with the cases and other times they get in the way. But it definitely makes the daily grind more interesting.

They’ve almost lost themselves in role playing a few times, having to haul it back to reality is tough. When a case is done and Sam’s still being touchy feely in public, Dean tries not to get mad about it. Usually he’ll let it go, admitting only to himself that he really loves having everyone know that he’s Sam’s and vice versa. Sam of course, knows this about his brother and loves that he can give him that feeling so easily. Playing pretend makes them even more real to each other as partners somehow.

Day 7

Valentine’s Day:

This year Dean didn’t get to ask him a third time.

This year Sam didn’t wait for the question.

This is the year Sam said yes.

Sam said yes and Dean claimed to have forgotten ever having asked.

Doors were slammed, pancakes were burned on purpose.

A truce was made over sandwiches and beer on the roof of the bunker.

Out in the weak Kansas winter sun.

Dean made Sam sit on the green cooler while he knelt in the snow.

Wet knees and all, he handed over a cast-silver heart with their initials.

Just as they were carved in the Impala.

Sam couldn’t stop saying yes.

Dean promised he could be the one to ask next year.